For the sake of the safety and security of those involved in this article, some names and facts about specific persons have been changed.

There are many common sentiments among today’s adults in reference to millennials. As with any generation, the former ones have made it a mission to pigeonhole and label them, as was done to them by their predecessors. Millennials have been labeled as lazy, entitled, and uncooperative, but one statement rises above them all.

All millennials are gay.

Now statistically speaking, this claim is far from the truth. While there is no definitive and exact number on what percentage of the population is gay, it is most likely somewhere in the 10 percent region. So why does it suddenly feel as though heterosexuality is the minority?

First off, it can be assumed that heterosexuality is less noticed because no one points it out when it happens. A movie with a focus on a heterosexual romance isn’t considered a “straight movie,” nor a male-female couple acknowledged as a straight couple. They are just stories and people, free of additional labels. Contrarily, a film or couple of homosexual orientation is cause for proclamation. It is rare that gayness is allowed to exist without recognition and labeling, and because of this it can seem overwhelming. This can also be combined in the rise in people who feel comfortable being openly homosexual. While homosexuality has existed throughout all of human history, it is obvious that the 21st century environment is the most accepting ever, and thus people feel more comfortable being out. These two factors combined can create an understandable feeling that everyone is suddenly gay.

Still, sexuality has become a much more open topic in recent years. People are more inclined to discuss and experiment with their sexuality than in years past, and though this isn’t increasing the amount of gay people that exist in a population, it is growing the amount of people who are actively and openly gay in a community. Gay people have always existed, now they’re just allowed to exist.

Regardless of these statistics, I know it is true in my life that almost all of my closest personal friends are gay, growing up in different stages of comfort and acknowledgement of their identities. Today I bring you three of those stories.

Jordan*: Identifies as Queer

“I know how to get male attention” Jordan texts me late one Tuesday night. Jordan has grown up the victim of a heteronormative society, and it shows. Ever since the age of 12, Jordan has been romantically and sexually involved with male individuals. While being involved with boys at this age is marginally normal in the circuit of Uptown New Orleans kids, for Jordan, it was a pivotal moment for her sexuality. How can a person admit something to themselves when they’ve been suppressing it for years?

That was in 2011. It was not until 2015 that Jordan had her first sexual encounter with a female, and regardless, it was in no way a romantic engagement. See, Jordan is in no way a stereotypical gay girl; on the contrary, she is much more akin to the girls found in American Apparel ads. Slender with flowing wavy hair and a short frame, Jordan has a body and face idealized by much of Western media—and as such, many men. There was no world in which Jordan would have difficulty securing the attention and advances of males. Thus, she continued to hook up with them. Why wouldn’t she? In a world that constantly funnels a barrage of messages down the throats of teen girls stating that without male attention you are worthless, such attention is a priceless commodity. It has nothing to do with liking someone, or finding them particularly attractive. It is enough to know what attractive is supposed to look like and to grab it while you can. Jordan did. Furthermore, this capacity for attaining guys would only additionally complicate her relationships with women. While Jordan was in no way incapable of securing male partners, the same could not be said for females. Jordan was the type of girl all guys say they want: she was highly feminine in both her interests and presentation, and thus perfect for male suitors. Contrarily, the lesbian community tends to be much more broad in its definition of attractive. It’s rare for a man to openly express sentiment that he likes, say, fat girls, or older women, or girls way taller than him, because that's not okay; but in a world where gay is still barely OK, gay female relationships are free of this standard entirely. They’re already breaking the rules by being gay, why not break the rules by being with whoever they want? This has created a new standard of beauty in the lesbian world, which is that it’s nonexistent. While there are surely trends and popular looks, there is no agreed upon ideal, and thus, unlike the male world, no one look you can achieve to score nearly everyone. There is no catch all. This can make the world of relationships, once an area open to Jordan, one of mystery and fear. She knows all of the tricks. They just aren’t working.

Additionally, this paradox has created a fear of labels in Jordan. While she knows she feels a primary attraction to females, she remains unsure about her attraction to men. Still, she refuses to identify fully as a lesbian. The idea of nuclear family, a husband and wife, is too ingrained in her. She fears that by shutting out men, she shuts out a life she still wants. Heterosexuality and happiness remain mutually exclusive. Herein lies why she doesn’t identify with either title of lesbian or bisexual. She has yet to come to a final conclusion herself on where her sexuality lies, and thus prefers the label queer.

Rebecca: Identifies as Gay

Rebecca’s story varies from Jordan’s in that it’s a mirror. Before discovering her attraction to women, Rebecca had always struggled with the pursuit of male attention. When people say that “boys are intimidated by you,” they usually don’t mean it. With Rebecca, you mean it. She’s loud and smart and brazenly honest, qualities typically shrouded by teen girls. While she also began hooking up with boys at the young age of 12, her relationships with men have been rocky ever since. Rebecca is shorter than Jordan, with light brown hair and blue-green eyes that change colors with the seasons. She is decidedly curvaceous in a way that attracts male attention, but for Rebecca, this attention has often been negative. Through middle school, Rebecca was frequently harassed both verbally and sexually. While Rebecca was certainly lauded as popular by both those in and out of her elite circle of friends, it was apparent that she was treated differently. This may be due to the fact that her body type, while conventionally attractive, differed wildly from the WASPy frames that crowded her middle school. Even more, Rebecca felt that this treatment was nothing to be alarmed about. While she knew she didn’t like it and it upset her, she rarely had the courage to speak out about it, and accepted it tongue in cheek. In a world where we teach our girls that teasing is flirting, harassment must be a medal of honor. Retrospectively, Rebecca has shared with me that she does in fact believe it was flirtatious behavior, but not because that’s “how boys are.” She speculates that because her body type wasn’t the norm, it was deemed inferior, and though boys liked it, they felt it below them to actively pursue her. She was a human toy. She left that school.

Regardless, Rebecca has much more luck obtaining female attention. She is open about her sexuality, and goes to a school where this is far from uncommon. She has been able to secure several female partners. She does find men attractive, but is more attracted to women. Even more, Rebecca is a photographer, and her infatuation with femininity is apparent in both her own work and those she enjoys. Rebecca isn’t just attracted to girls, she is in love with them.

Ivy*: Identifies as Bisexual

Unlike Rebecca or Jordan, Ivy has no problem obtaining partners of either sex. What she does have is a problem with is maintaining such relationships.

Ivy will tell you that she has had homosexual feelings since before she can recall, and yet, it wasn’t until fairly recently that she identified them for what they were.

“I always assumed everyone felt that way.”

Ivy’s burgeoning bisexuality was so familiar to her, she assumed others felt similarly. It wasn’t until she asked a friend about another girls appearance that her sexuality came into light. When met with a confused reaction, Ivy was, for the first time, exposed to the fact that her attraction to girls was not universal. This realization opened up a world for her. Shortly after this discovery, Ivy found several of her friends had similar feelings, and began intermittently hooking up with them. All the while, Ivy maintained a long-term but open relationship with a boy.

Ivy had been open about her sexuality to this boy, explaining that she hooked up with other girls along with him. He listened to her, but brushed off the interactions as meaningless. It was too much for him to grasp that his girlfriend was both romantically involved with men and women. A lot to grasp for a teenage boy, I’ll admit, but still problematic. Their relationship would eventually dissolve when Ivy hooks up with another boy, an act defined as cheating, in a relationship previously defined as open. Thus dissolves the first of many relationships.

Another girl she was hooking up with moved away.

Another girl she was hooking up with started crying when she kissed her.

A series of crushes and infatuations followed, occasionally met with short-lived flings, but rarely anything substantial. Regardless, Ivy was actively searching for female partners, and in that vein, was out of the closet.

Kind of.

Ivy isn’t entirely sure of her sexuality, in that she can’t pin point exactly where she is on the Kinsey scale, but for the most part she has an identity she is comfortable sharing. As a matter of fact, Ivy has disclosed this part of her identity to several people, and yet it’s not totally “out there.” Surprising, as few things remain secret for long in the high school terrain, and yet it follows a pattern. Just like her boyfriend didn’t believe her, many of her friends don't take her seriously. This phenomenon is highly common in the bisexual community. Both the straight and gay communities tend to be skeptical of the legitimacy of bisexuality. A hefty issue to be put on the plate of a 15-year-old, and still an identity crisis she battles daily.

These are only three stories. They all focus on women who identity as somewhere between two and five on the Kinsey scale, all of whom live in the same neighborhood. Still, they barely scratch the surface of how these girls' sexualities play out in their lives, with their families, at their schools, in their religious spaces, and so forth. One thing is for sure though, they are all unique.

Even among this group of girls who are decidedly similar, these stories vary wildly. The stories of other people vary even more wildly.

It’s time to share these stories.

It’s time to shed these harmful stereotypes of what a “gay” person is, that gender and sexuality are always connected, that the only people allowed to be gay are those who have the privilege to do it the way the straight community sees fit. It’s time to share the diversity and commonness of gayness, in all forms and fashions.

It’s time to come out.