Picture this. You are on date with someone who makes your heart race. Your stomach is full of butterflies every time you see them. You think "this could be the one," and it's only date number three.
Until, the moment of truth. They tell you they have three cats which they love dearly. You hate cats. Your hands start shaking. Your palms are sweaty. You know there are tons of people who don't like cats. It's completely normal to not like them. It's not your fault you grew up allergic to cats. But what if this is a deal breaker for them. They can't live without their cats and you're not willing to make room in your heart for them. What do you do with this secret?
You can tell them and potentially end the relationship right there, or you can keep it a secret. Sure, you will have to spend countless nights in a home filled with the stench of cats, but at least the person you care about will not look at you any differently. You avoid any chance of disapproval by simply suppressing your loathing for felines.
Now imagine this concept on a scale one thousand times more controversial. Imagine keeping a secret from not just one person you care about, but all of them. Imagine reading headlines about what happens to people who once shared this same secret.
But others share this secret with you. Why is it that they were able to tell their secret and still be okay? If others have done it then why is it still so hard for people to just say it.
Why does it still take some people twenty years, or more, to tell the world that they are gay?
Because everyone is different.
Let me break this down for you:
1. It is hard to break from the "norm."
Society tells us being different is beautiful, so long as your differences do not offend anyone. Straying from mainstream beliefs has repercussions like rejection and well, no one likes rejection.
2. We are afraid to let people down.
Whether it's telling your significant other that you don't like cats, or telling your parents you are dating someone of the same gender, these are statements that could potentially let them down. No matter what they say, you are no longer the person they thought you were.
3. They are going to ask you why, or say it's just a phase.
There are very few things more uncomfortable and mind-boggling than when someone asks why you decided to be homosexual, or tells you it's a phase. Newsflash, it's just who you are.
4. Being LGBTQ is scary.
We are currently living in a world where the future Vice President can openly say "gay couples signaled ‘societal collapse’" and have people agree with him. There is nothing comparable to the fear of being ridiculed, discriminated against, beaten, or even killed because of who you love.
And so, I urge everyone to respect those who have come out to you as being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, despite how long it may have taken. Understand that this journey is not one they need to take on their own. They have already accepted who they are, but came out to you because they may need help when finding their place in a new culture full of love and pride.
Coming out takes time. It takes strength and confidence, because it's a thousand times harder than telling your significant other that you don't like their cat.
