Throughout high school, I was asked a lot of hard questions and when taking classes like chemistry, biology and calculus, that’s to be expected. But of all of them, the hardest ones were never talking about chemical compounds, prokaryotes or limits. The hardest were always about what I wanted to do in the future. More specifically, what college I planned to go to and what I wanted to study. It wasn’t just my parents that were asking me this. I was getting the same question from my peers, my teachers, guest speakers, literal random people in the middle of the grocery store.

While all my friends were rushing to fill out applications and get in the volunteer hours required for their first choice, I sat off to the side, twiddling my thumbs and feigning excitement and confidence whenever I was asked what I wanted to do for the rest my life. I was 17. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do for the next hour. With most questions, like what are my hobbies? What are my passions? The more someone asked me, the more sure I became. But when it came to my future? College? What career I wanted? I only grew more and more unsure as people continued to ask me over and over. And each time, I lied and pretended I already had everything figured out.

However as time passed and I had time to think, those lies were no longer in place to cover up the fact that I had no clue what I wanted, but to cover up that I knew exactly what I wanted. And I wanted, was not to go to college right away. In hindsight, I believe a part of me always knew that I had no desire to leave high school and immediately jump backed into college right after summer break. Part me knew that despite everyone around me making their plans and preparations, that I was not ready. What I didn’t know; however, is that it was okay and I wasn’t alone in my decision.

I was presented with a lot lot of different options in high school as to what I was able to do after I graduated. Community colleges, studying abroad, four year universities, internships. The list went on and on, but one thing I was never able recall being listed to me as an option was taking a gap year. If it was mentioned at all, it was framed as something to stray away from and as a last resort of someone who’d slacked off and didn’t make a decision in time.

This was not the case for me. The case for me was that college was a bigger step for me than it was friends. You often hear the good things about transferring from high school to college. The newfound freedom, the control you have over your education, the first step in choosing the path for the rest of your life. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are still true. However, I never heard too much about the nervousness you feel. About the restless butterflies in the pit of your stomach and a racing mind that keeps you awake at night. The fear that you aren’t ready to take the same step as everyone else and that you’ll be left behind.

I bring these feelings up, not to scare off any one about to go into college, but to reassure that person that their feelings are valid. And that no, not everyone has to go into college right away, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

When I finally came to terms with my decision, the hard part was being honest about to everyone else, not just myself. As expected, the reactions I got weren’t all that supportive.

“So what will you do?”

“What if you fall behind?”

“You’ll forget everything you learned.”

“If you don’t go now, you never will.”

And pretty much every condescending remark you think of in response to someone deciding not to go straight to college right after they graduate. It got really old, really fast. And I won’t lie, the comments started to get to me. What if I did lose motivation? What if I really did decide not to go back? After all, it wasn’t that I didn’t want a college education at all, it was that I was not prepared to straight into college after high school. But no matter how sure I was of that, the words of others began to take a toll on me. I began to feel like that which I’d tried to so hard to convince myself I wasn’t.

A failure.

And it wasn’t until I was catching up with an old friend of mine and lamenting about my decision that I found myself feeling better. As we sat in the food court of the mall, stuffing ourselves full of pizza, I told her about my decision to take a gap year, and she said, “So am I.”

I’d been rather shocked to hear those words. After so much time spent hearing criticism, and discouragement, I had finally heard someone express support and understanding. We then got into a conversation about our decisions for taking a gap year and found that we’d had a lot in common. Both of us were nervous and extremely anxious about going into college and deciding what we wanted to do with our lives, both of us had been told we were slackers and quitters, and both of us were in need of someone to tell us that there was nothing wrong with our decision.

That day, I felt more confident about taking a year off than I ever had. While there are definitely no shortage of benefits of going into college right out of high school, and nothing inherently wrong with it, people are different. The status quo may say one thing, but they may feel something different.

It’s okay to take a gap year, because sometimes it’s nice take a moment to slow down. After spending 12 years in school, from kindergarten to senior year, it’s perfectly reasonable to not want to dive right into college. It’s okay to want more than a three month long break from all the homework, tests, papers and hours of sitting in class.

It’s okay to take time to find yourself and discover who you are and what you want.

It’s okay to work and save money, it’s okay to travel. It’s okay to relax and enjoy a year that belongs to you, and no one one but you. It’s okay to be confused, and nervous and anxious.It’s okay to not be ready.

It’s okay to do what you know is best for you. Even if it goes against what everyone else is doing.

So if you find yourself overwhelmed with the stress of choosing colleges, majors and career paths, just take a moment to consider all of your options. Even when of those options os taking even more time to consider your options. Because in the end, what matters most isn’t what people expect from you, but what you want for yourself.