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Politics and Activism

Game of Groans: Your 2016 Presidential Nominees

Matching Presidential Candidates with their Game of Thrones Counterpart

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Game of Groans: Your 2016 Presidential Nominees
Grantland

This year's election promises to be the most unpredictable in history, but we are also approaching season six of "Game of Thrones," which is making the same promise. Much like the show, this year’s presidential race has featured candidates willing to do anything and everything to make sure they take what they feel is their rightful place on the Iron Throne, conveniently located in the Oval Office. With so many personalities in both, it would be interesting to match each candidate, still running or not (the more the merrier) with their "Game of Thrones" counterpart. There may be spoilers, there may not. That’s for you to find out.


Carly Fiorina (out): Theon Greyjoy/Reek

Deep down I’m sure both of these two have good intentions with their hearts in the right place. The problem is, neither is really very good at what they do, and sort of come across as a bit of a smacked ass, hence why they don’t get that much respect. Another similarity is that neither of them have a male reproductive organ, so that’s something.

Chris Christie (out): The Hound

Both are considered to be bigger than the average chap, and both had some rough upbringings. The Hound had to suffer from being the younger brother of The Mountain; the other is from Jersey. Both men can actually be very likable, but also have been accused of questionable decision-making. Christie had the whole bridge scandal, and The Hound crushes his enemies with one swing of his mighty sword.

Dr. Ben Carson: Bran Stark

First off, Bran Stark is great. Ben Carson is Ben Carson. Both are very much involved with the brain, so this works. Carson enters the brain of others through neurosurgery, Bran uses telepathy. They both also can disappear at inopportune times. Bran wasn’t in the last season of the show at all, and Carson never seems to show up for recent debates or primaries.

John Kasich: Tyrion Lannister

Party identification aside, probably the most qualified people to take their respective throne, as well as the most likable, or dare I say “normal”. However both will most likely never get there since those of more power and/or who are more outspoken are constantly holding them down.

Jeb Bush (out): Sansa Stark


Oh, Jeb. Much like Sansa, Jeb Bush comes from a powerful family and is a smart individual, and is probably a good person at the end of the day, but my God it just seems like nothing can go right for the guy. It's too late for Jeb, but hopefully Sansa catches a break.

Marco Rubio: Davos Seaworth


Both are self-made men with humble beginnings. Rubio is the son of Cuban immigrants while Seaworth was born in the worst slum in his country. Thing is, they have the personalities of a pair of waterlogged socks, and some of their actions and allegiances have led many to question them.

Ted Cruz: Viserys Targaryen

Take politics out for a second. On personality alone, is there anyone on the planet that would honestly enjoy either of their company? Didn't think so. At least Joffrey has the child excuse. Moving on

Donald Trump: Tywin Lannister

So in case you aren’t caught up, that dude from "The Apprentice" is running for president. Now that that’s covered, Donald Trump is Tywin Lannister. Both were born with golden spoons in their mouths, and can attribute a significant amount of their wealth and success to their fathers before them, weather they admit it or not. All of their children have achieved great success in their own right, again how much of that is due to the father remains to be seen, and they both even have connections to incest in their family. Tywin’s twins children are bumping uglies, while Donald Trump in interviews towards the end of last year hinted at a desire to give his daughter, Ivanka the old slap and tickle.

Bernie Sanders: Daenerys Targaryen


No this does not mean that I have as big of a desire to one day marry Bernie Sanders as I do Daenerys Targaryen. But throughout Daenerys’s constant conquering of the Eastern cities, she would win over the citizens with promises of freeing all of the servants and lower class citizens from the evil and oppressive upper class who held all of the power. Sound familiar? Not only that, both have the ability to make anyone feel the burn/Bern. One does so with stadium volume rallies no matter the setting. The other gets this done with the assistance of three massive burninating (bonus points if you get that reference) dragons.

Hillary Clinton: Cersei Lannister

If you try and tell me that these two don’t look like mother and daughter then you’re lying to both yourself and me. (Side note: can you imagine that dinner table?) Anyhoo both of these femme fatales can say that at one point their husband was the most powerful man in their respective countries. Both women have been criticized heavily for both their likability, and truthfulness. Hillary comes off as most women of that age. Unless she’s all smiles all of the time, or your own grandmother, she’s going to come across as sort of mean. Some of her decision-making also plays a roll in that since she doesn’t exactly have a squeaky-clean permanent record. Cersei is just an awful person altogether, but despite all of this, one can make the argument that both women are simply a victim of their culture and surroundings.

P.S. Where's Jon Snow you ask? I figured this would be the best way to adjust to not having him around. Plus none of these candidates deserve that honor #ForTheWatch

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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