If my three selves were to have a conversation about what I should watch on Netflix, it would go like this:
Past self: “Gabi should watch "Gilmore Girls!"”
Future self: “Gabi's seen that show a million times.”
Past self: “Because she's loved it a million times.”
Future self: “Gabi needs to branch out a bit. Her friends are probably going to start talking about "Daredevil" soon. She should watch that so she can converse with them. She'll thank us later.”
Past self: “But I don't think she really likes superhero shows. I mean, haven't they stressed her out in the past?”
Present self: “Hey what about--”
Future self: “Who's this?”
Past self: “I'm not sure. Never seen her before.”
My entire life, my present self has been overshadowed by my past and future selves. When I make a decision, I either think about similar decisions I've made in the past or what decision will work out best for Future Gabi. Though these two selves have given me a college degree, a Florida apartment, and a balanced Netflix queue, they've also made my present self unrecognizable to me.
I had this realization a week before my college graduation. I was driving home when the epiphany consumed me. I won't have school anymore. School is who I am. I'm good at school. I've always been good at school. Now that school is gone, who am I?
Present Gabi introduced herself in that moment.
“Hey there. I'm present Gabi. I'm not quite sure who I am yet. You haven't thought about me much. If you're up for it, I can find out. But you have to listen to me as much as you do past self and future self.”
And so I did. I didn't just think about limitations from my past or hesitations from my future. I also thought about who I was in every moment. I paid attention to how I reacted to the world, how I responded to the world, what I liked and what I didn't. I ate a lot of Greek food and listened to more country music. I was more relaxed and confident and I found humor in everything. I cried in comedy movies and spent money on a graduation gift for myself. I didn't define who I was based on what school said I was or what my accomplishments and failures said I was or what strangers said I was. For the first time in a while, I felt free. I wasn't just my past self or my future self. I was all three selves intertwined. I was Gabi.
The insecurities of my past and the expectations of my future were no longer controlling my actions. And though it has only been a couple weeks since I've been listening to my present self, I have already learned so much about the value of not letting temporary things define you.
Gabi, meet world. I think you're going to like it here.
