To My Future Baby Boy,

I don't think about you often, but I think about you a lot. I know it's confusing and it doesn't make much logical sense, but it is the nature of being me. I'm living my life right now, trying to decide what I'm going to do in the future, long before you will exist. Still, when I do think of you, it is extensive. I imagine what you will look like, how you will act, what you will love.

If you're anything like me, you will be mild-mannered, laid-back, and easily self-entertained. You will love listening to the sound of a guitar. You will quote every movie. You will act out your favorite scenes and make me play the props. I won't mind. I love playing with you. I look forward to coloring with you and making messes in the kitchen. I'm sorry your mommy can't cook, but at least we'll have fun!

I know that the world puts a lot of pressure on men to behave a certain way. I don't deny that women are not treated fairly in many respects. I know that women are often the ones who are victimized. But I think the world tends to ignore the gender expectations that pressure men every day. I don't intend to raise you that way.

I want you to grow up knowing it's okay to hug me in front of your friends. I want to encourage you to show your emotions. You don't have to love sports, but if you do, I will always support you. I will support you no matter what you want to do. Of course, I will encourage what I think is best for you, but I don't want you to grow up fearing my disappointment. The only way you could truly disappoint me is by not trying to do what you love. By giving up because you're afraid.

When you find a girl to love, understand that I won't enjoy her company immediately. After all, you were mine first. I'm naturally a little over-protective. Just let me gt it out of my system. I promise to respect her if her demeanor suggests that she deserves respect. I want her to treat you well, but I also want you to treat her well. I expect that out of you.

When you are lost and hurt, remember that, as your mom, it is my joy to be there for you. I'll let you in on a secret. Right now, I'm scared too. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life at this moment. I'm twenty years old and entirely clueless. So, remember that when you feel this way, you can talk to me. I know how it feels. I lived it before you were ever a developed thought in my mind.

If God does bless me with you one day, I pray, above all, that you are healthy and happy. I'll laugh with you. I'll tease you. But I promise to do my best to make memories with you and make your childhood a memorable one.

When you're feeling down and out, I hope to teach you how much God loves you. He loves you even more than I do. He has never failed me when I needed him most. I know He won't fail you. You can also count on me, but I am imperfect. I have many faults. Faults I hope you don't learn from me. Because of this, I might let you down sometimes. I wish that wasn't true, but unfortunately, that is the way the world turns. He, though, will never let you down. Please, never forget Him. I want you to find your own way to faith, but I pray that you don't have to do so by walking away from Him.

Above all, even though I haven't met you, know that I love you. I hope i do get to meet you some day. Until then, I'm blessed to even have the thought of you. I know you'll be even more beautiful than my imagination could ever create.

Love,

Your Mommy