Dear future husband,
I have thought boys before you were “the one” at some point in time. (Notice I said boys) I found a few simple qualities in them that I liked –they made my laugh, they paid for my food, they took me on dates, took cute pictures with me, etc.- and ran with it. I have always dated with marriage in mind, not just dating to date. I will admit I settled in many situations, and regretfully talked about marriage with these boys knowing I couldn’t see it lasting. I got their hopes up, and hurt their hearts more than I like to think about, in the end. I worry about hurting people’s feelings, disappointing them, and leaving them lonely, but I have been told recently that stringing them along only makes it worse. I think a lot of people (I hope you included) have questioned whether they know for sure if someone is “the one.” In the beginning it’s new and exciting. There have not been any disagreements, or tension. Most people call it the honeymoon stage, and that’s where most hit a downfall. They think it’s going to be that way forever, rushing into marriage, or kids, or moving in together, only to fall apart not long after. I guess I’m harping on all of this to say, I hope you have experienced these same feelings, thoughts, and mistakes as I have. I hope you have had your heart broken. And I hope you too set out to date with marriage in mind.
When I picture you, I picture someone that is kind. Not just kind to the people that are kind to you, but kind to the people that get on your nerves, that question your intelligence, that let you down, and that are just plain rude. You are patient. Patient when it comes to my constant struggle of running late. Patient when I put my always cold feet on you to warm them up. Patient when I burn supper AGAIN. Patient with our children when they make mistakes, not allowing yelling to be a first reaction. Patient when money is tight, one of us is sick, or we have simply had a bad day. You are a prayer warrior. You value prayer and talking with God whether it’s by yourself, with me, friends, your parents, our kids, or even a stranger. You pray and consult God for guidance in leading our family. You want to pray before meals, before bed, before trips. During rough times, you turn to prayer. And you simply want to pray because you are happy, thankful and feel blessed. I hope you are praying for me too. You value family time, not just in the family we will create but in the family we both already have. You love and respect your parents. You value sitting down and having a meal together without phones. In fact, I hope I never need my phone when I'm with you because I enjoy your company and conversation so much. You have a plan, goals, aspirations, and determination. You work hard. You are good with money, because God knows I struggle with self-control in T.J.Maxx and at Publix when I’m hungry. You are neat, because I have to admit I’m a bit of a clean freak, but I won’t really mind cleaning up after you sometimes. You never stop "dating" me. The flowers, sweet notes, movie nights, Waffle House trips at 1 a.m., and singing to the top of our lungs in the car, doesn’t end. You make me feel safe. Safe in my home. Safe when you're the one driving the car. Safe when you are in charge of the kids. Safe to tell you secrets. Safe to admit my mistakes. Safe to know you are loyal to me and our marriage even on the days when I’m not the most attractive woman because I didn’t have time to shower or I just couldn’t make myself put on makeup. Safe when you are around other women knowing you will be respectful to them and respectful of me. Safe knowing you are genuinely a good man when other people are not around with what you allow your eyes to see, ears to hear, lips to speak, and mind to think. And safe even when you are the maddest you have ever been, because I know you will not hurt me. You have good friends. Friends that will lift you up, lead you in the right direction, and point you to God. Friends you can have guys' nights with, because even though we will be one of each other’s best friends, we both need some space every once in a while. You are transparent with me. You do not feel like you have to always be the big tough man of the household. You are allowed to cry, or be emotional too, even though I'm sure I have enough for the both of us. You can come to me with any heartache, stress, or disappointment, and I will be here to listen and comfort you, because being so open and honest with your feelings is brave. It helps me continue to get to know you better. You want to travel. You are always down for making a normal day into an adventure, and trying new things. We can sit in silence. That’s when I know I have found a true friend, when I can sit in complete silence with them and it is totally comfortable, not awkward. You make me a better person. You push me to chase God along side you. We can share devotionals, scriptures, talk about the message at church and what it meant to us, or stand side by side in worship together focusing solely on God. The most important thing I can ask of you is that you love God more than you love me. That you know the kind of father and spouse God expects you to be for us. And before we are even married, you need to know that the way to my heart is to seek God’s face. God is and always will be my top priority.
I know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is commonly quoted, but I pray you will love others and me like this scripture says:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.
So future husband, know I already love you. Know I pray for you constantly. Know I can’t wait to chase God with you. And know I am excited for the life we will build together, keeping God at the center of it all.
I’ll be seeing you,
Your future wife
