Dear Future Husband;
I'm actually a bit unsure about how to write and word this letter to you, so I'm just going to wing it the best that I can. Here goes nothing.
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First things first, please understand that I am a very reserved person and it takes me a bit before I completely open to someone. I haven't had the easiest life and to say my past was complicated is an understatement. I'm also very cautious when it comes to opening up about certain parts so please, please understand that when I do open up about things, it's not easy for me and I will need all of the support from you and not just some "Oh, I'm sorry. That's really sad/awful." statement lines.
You should also know that I will sing along to the radio. Out loud. Off key. With dance moves and funny faces. I admit that I am no Sasha Fierce or upcoming pop starlet, this takes me to back to certain memories that bring me countless moments of joy. I will also watch countless movies, mainly Disney, James Bond and the super cheesy 80's horror movies. However, if I watch a 2000's or current horror film, chances are I will be completely scared to sleep for a few hours and you should definitely be prepared to spend a few hours talking and watching Cinderella for the upteenth time.
I was raised to be independent, determined and not to let anything get in the way of my goals. I absolutely hate relying on others unless need be. Once I set my mind on something I want to do, I am driven by it and there is no stopping me. I am determined to hit that mark no matter what my circumstances may be. Sometimes, the stress of wanting to be SuperWoman can be too much for me to handle (and probably for you as well) but please know that I've always been this way and it's part of who makes me who I am.
This next part is very hard for me to write about but it is something very important for you to know..I have anxiety and depression. I've suffered with depression since I was little and I try my very best to control it, refusing to let it take more of my good days, the can't-miss moments in life or the scariness of change. Instead I embrace it and tell it, "Not today depression, not today." My anxiety came in middle school. I remember having to do practice lockdowns one day in my last class of the day and something about it caused panic to set it. My heart was racing. I felt like I had slower my breathing and start giving myself a mini pep talk that I would be okay, it was just a drill. I got into the fetal position just relax my nerves. I remember someone laughing for a bit since everyone else was sitting comfortably before realizing that I had had a panic attack. Junior year of high school when I lost two people in car crashes four months apart. It seemed like every time I got into a car I had to clutch on to the handle, have my iPod on playing calming music and my phone in my lap in case of emergency. Unlike most people my age, I had no burning desire to learn how to drive, to go through the process of getting my permit, intermediate and finally license. I would say a small prayer before getting into a car and only felt safe when out of the vehicle. I've slowly started working on it and hopefully I'll have it in a much better place in the future. Although, I must say, I should warn you that I have woken screaming before or I've woken up with my heart racing and having to lay in bed for an extra 20 or so minutes trying to calm myself down from an attack.
Lastly, I've used to being alone and doing things by myself. That means going to watch a movie by myself. Going out to eat by myself. Going to sporting events by myself. Doing all sorts of actvities on my own. I know it'll be a bit of an adjustment to get used to being with someone and doing things as a team at first, but don't rush me or expect me to be adjusted to having a 'partner-in-crime' over night. Be patient with me. Give me time. Give me space when I need it. Be understanding. Be supportive. I'll give you the best that I can. All the support, effort and understanding that I possibly can. I can promise that I will never be one of those gives-up-on-marriage-after-seventy-days either. You see, I only plan on having one marriage and making it last until the end. I'm not a quitter. When life tosses us a few moldy and sour lemons, we'll toss some limes and boxing moves right back at it.
I can't promise a perfect marraige or that either of us is always going to be happy and cheerful 24/7, 365 but I can promise you that like James Corden's carpool karoke, I'll be there to pick you up on the rough days and vow to make you laugh until we're both crying, our sides hurting and we can't remember what was wrong in the first place. I shall do my very best to be the coolest wife/best friend/home girl/whatever else you may need.
Sincerely,
Your {Future} Wife.
P.S. I can't promise that we aren't going to have a few dogs. And by a few, I mean twenty-three.
