Growing up with an overbearing mom like mine is probably the most difficult experience I have ever been through. I am 19 now and have been driving for three years. I’ve had multiple jobs, I get good grades, I go to a school that demands a lot of things from me, and from time to time I have made a few “mistakes” (as maybe she would call them). But when a parent demands perfection, your achievements go unnoticed, while your seemingly “bad” choices take center stage. At an age that was appropriate, I was never allowed to like boys, I was never allowed to stay out past a certain time that was ridiculously early compared to my friends, I was never really allowed to do anything. So eventually, after asking numerous times and kept getting Nos as answers, I had to think for myself and do what was best for me.
It’s sad that my mom had to miss out on my first experiences. She never got to know my first boyfriend because I wasn’t allowed to have one at the time. She never heard about my story when I lost my virginity and I couldn’t even tell her the hilarious things me and my friends would do at parties. Half of my life was kept a secret from her, because it was the only way I was allowed to make decisions for myself without her influence. And I am standing here today and am so proud of every decision I have made in the past. I am grown and mature and support everything I’ve done to make me who I am today. I have great judgment, I’m responsible, I have my priorities in line and I feel like I have developed into the person I was meant to be. But even though I support my decisions and feel like I make the right ones, I am still constantly afraid and sad when I have to face my mom. And that alone makes everything I’ve decided to do not really worth it.
When you live with someone you’re scared of, you start to feel unwanted. When I’m home all I want to do is leave unless I’m here alone. I still miss out on once-in-a-life time opportunities because I am too afraid to ask my mom if I’m allowed to go see my favorite DJ in a club in Miami or if I’m allowed to hang out with a boy I like. Everything I do has strict rules and boundaries, which is fine to a certain extent. But it’s not fine when I can’t even enjoy myself when I need to because all I’m thinking about are the consequences of when I have to face her again.
Though my mother-daughter relationship is far from perfect, it helped me so much in planning on how to deal with my future daughter. I devised a very deliberate list of things that I will make sure my daughter will expect from me; I really wish my mom would have handled me in this way, but at least I have the knowledge to do the exact opposite in raising my children the way she raised hers. So, to my future daughter…
- When you’re young, I will coddle you, and I will pray to God that you won’t grow up, even though I know that’s inevitable.
- When you do grow up, I will let you experiment and figure out what works best for you.
- When you believe you can handle it, you can tell me about your first boyfriend whenever you want, and I will make sure he feels welcomed in my home at any time.
- I will never scare anyone you love away.
- I will teach you that loving someone (no matter what the age) is OK and expected.
- I will hold you when your heart gets broken.
- I will never bring up your ex when I know it makes you sad.
- I will never try to compete with you.
- Before you get your license, I will drop you off and pick you up wherever you want to go that is not dangerous.
- When you get your license at 16, I will make sure you obey the law.
- At 17, you are allowed to stay out until 1 a.m.
- At 18, you can stay out will whenever you think is appropriate.
- When you’re 19, and you are now old enough to learn how to balance school and fun, I will make sure that you have proven to me that your goals will be achieved while you have fun too.
- I will teach you that drinking and driving is never OK, and I will provide you money for Ubers and other methods of safe rides.
- I won’t make you feel like you need to hide things from me.
- When you start to try new substances, I will teach you how to handle them responsibly, instead of forbidding you to do them all together.
- I will teach you what is good for your health and what is not, and let you decide on your own on how you want to treat your body.
- I will never talk about my weight or anyone’s weight in front of you. I will teach you that looks don’t mean anything, and a pure heart is everything.
- I will make sure that nothing gets in the way of your dreams.
- I will never pressure you to do anything you do not want to do as your occupation.
- I will let you go to your dream school and won’t make you feel bad for it.
- My money is your money... I’ve lived my life, and now it’s your turn.
- I will never fight with your dad in front of you when it’s about you.
- I will never make your siblings believe that you're a bad kid.
- I will tell everybody I know how amazing you are and how proud I am of you.
- I will make you feel comfortable in our home.
- I will never push you away.
- And most importantly, I will love you unconditionally and never make you feel like you are a burden to me.
