Working at an elementary school has brought so many wonderful experiences to my life. I love spending time with little kids, as weird and undeveloped as they may be. By undeveloped, I mean that they have yet to learn the social norms and practices that we condition our behaviors to as we grow up. In short, kids have no filter. Also, they struggle to formulate and present their thoughts in a format that makes sense to other people. This results in words that are almost spelled/pronounced correctly and often borderline incoherent sentence structure. But over the years, I’ve gotten used to deciphering the strange and fascinating things that kids say. Here are some of the highlights from this week:

1. "Sometimes I don't even read the homework, I just write stuff down." - girl, age 9

Oh yeah, same. She's got the hang of doing work in high school down already.

2. "Christopher Columbus was a hero sailor who found America" - boy, age 7

Don't even get me started on this. My rant on Christopher "Genocide" Columbus can be found here.

3. "My favorite game is Candyland because I like eating the candy!" - boy, age 4

What? There was never any actual candy in the game Candyland...or has it changed since I played last? What are you eating, child?!

4. "You're inappropriate! You have a boyfriend!" - girl, age 8

After telling her that calling other kids farts was inappropriate language, she moved to this completely different point that I, in fact, was the inappropriate one because I mentioned one time that I was dating someone. Then proceeded to tell me how gross I was for kissing boys. I mean, she's not wrong.

5. "You don't know what it's like to be ten." - girl, age 10

Right, because I was never ten years old. I actually skipped straight from nine to eleven for good behavior.

6. "I don't eat fruits or veggies, only crackers, cookies, and chocolate." - boy, age 7

Hmm, although I'm sure his parent(s) would never let him get away with that, I've never actually witnessed him eat a fruit or vegetable. So, who knows? Could be true.

7. "My favorite word to use is C4." - boy, age 8

That was deeply concerning. I don't even think C4 can be considered a word, it's the name of an explosive...someone started playing Call of Duty too early.

8. "The reason McDonald's is so bad is because their burgers never die." - boy, age 9

I cannot dispute this. Big Mac's have been known to stay un-moldy for way too long. There's some sorcery that goes into making them.

9. "I wish Justin Beaver would fall off a cliff, like, for real." - girl, age 7

@justinbieber ouch, rough life. I'm sure this kid hasn't even heard the early hits like "One Time" or "Somebody to Love." Maybe her feelings will change as she gets older, she may become a Belieber yet.

10. "Are you married and do you have kids?" - girl, age 6

Wow. I'm nineteen, child. Married with kids? What is this, 1916?

11. "I know I pooped in my pants but I still had fun!" - girl, age 5

Oh, okay. So this experience was much more harrowing for me than it was for you. Good to know. Glad you enjoyed yourself, throw me a good review on Yelp.

12. and the kicker, "BOO DONALD TRUMP! BOO DONALD DUMP TRUCK! I HATE DONALD TRUMP!" - two girls, both age 9

Amen. God Bless America. There's hope for them yet.