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Funny One Liners

With all the stress going on in the world lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners!

Amber Smith

Dec 18, 2016

Western New England University

1031

With all the stress from the finals and everything else going on lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners! It’s amazing how much wit and double meaning can be encapsulated in such short jokes!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.

by short-funny.com

My dog used to chase people on a bike. Eventually it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

by short-funny.com

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

by short-funny.com

Two fortune tellers meet on the street. The first says “You’re fine, how am I?”

by thekencook

If you can’t be positive, just be double negative

by Wafor

I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have insomnia or amnesia.

by Kebble

If you can’t blame a guy for trying, why is attempted murder a crime?

by Kebble

I just lost my mood ring, I’m not sure how I feel about this.

by Beaky_Bollocks

A woman told me that I had cute knuckles, but I know that it was just a backhanded compliment.

by 4everNdeavor

I got fired as a hit man; I don’t know why, everyone I was told to take out said they had a lovely evening and were willing to go on a second date.

by 13arry

When my friend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.

by 4everNdeavor

I’m buying my wife a wooden leg for christmas.It’s not her main present, just a stocking stuffer.

by wastoo

With great power comes great electricity bills

by 4everNdeavor

Time flies when you’re throwing clocks

by sum_buddy

The store told me people won’t buy my personal life size replicas like they would a figurine but I told them don’t sell me short.

by 13arry

I’m an archaeologist, my life is in ruins.

by PackOfMeese

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

by 13arry

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Student Life

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Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

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Funny One Liners

With all the stress going on in the world lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners!

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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