This is a poem that has been stewing in the back of my head for the past week, things that I've felt like I needed to voice and should've spoken up about ages ago.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy it.
I can't bring myself to love you.
I can't stand you
I almost hate you
and yet,
because of who you are,
I know it shouldn't be like this.
Does it make me a bad person
if I wish for your existence to end?
Does it make me evil
to wish no good to come to you?
If this is a sin,
I think it probably is,
I am not ready to repent for it yet.
All these feelings
I used to have for you
have been numbed
by the anesthesia of time.
Every time the anesthesia wears off
I learn a new thing to like
and almost just as quickly
another thing to hate.
You hurt me and you hurt
people I love
with equal abandon
and I can't forgive that.
Maybe it makes me a bad person
maybe I'm justified
in my feelings of dislike
and even if I am
I don't care.
My emotions have been
stunted for so long
because of you.
Being away from you,
I'm allowed to lower my defenses
and actually let my emotions grow
and attach myself to others.
Being away from you,
I realized how strange your love is,
how different your views are
and I've seen how far apart
you and I are now.
And I'm okay with it.