If you have ever listened to the popular true crime podcast, My Favorite Murder, you may have heard one of their very popular phrases: F*ck Politeness. If you are not familiar with the podcast, this may have been a shocking title to see on an article.
For those who are unfamiliar, when co-hosts, Karen and Georgia, exclaim "F*ck politeness!" what they are really referring to is when people (especially women) feel the need to help, or be kind/polite to others (usually men) and they end up getting murdered.
This is not victim blaming.
This is society blaming. Because of the way society raises women to value politeness over personal safety oftentimes leads them straight into a situation that leaves them dead. Or rather, murdered.
In one of the most popular cases of a serial killer the United States (or maybe the world) has ever seen, Theodore Bundy asked many unknowing, young women to help him load a boat onto his car. The two polite women, Janice Anne Ott and Denise Naslund, were murdered. The "nasty women" who said "no" were not.
This is not to say that being polite is bad, or even that it will always get you killed. I believe that it is always best to be polite to anyone, no matter if you're a woman or a man, but don't let this expectation of you rule over your own instincts.
I have been in many circumstances myself of being approached and asked for a second of my time where all I wanted was to say "no" and walk away. But not wanting to come off as callous or rude, I tended to listen or oblige. Am I surprised that I'm still alive? Kind of.
Even if the question or favor is completely innocent; even if you have stopped 99 times before and done 99 favors in the past; even if most of you is sure it'll be fine... you don't have to stop this time. You don't have to help this person. You don't have to be polite.
You don't owe a stranger anything, especially if you don't feel safe. You don't have to be polite every time. Your own safety should be first priority, even at the stakes of coming off rude.
If his arm is in a sling and he needs help loading a boat onto his Volkswagen Bug, a random 19-year-old woman probably shouldn't be the first person he asks. Or the second, or third, or even the fourth person. He should ask his friends, or his family, or a professional mover. But not you.
So just as a reminder to everyone, especially the ladies: F*ck Politeness. And don't get murdered.
