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From The Writer's Room

A glimpse into the fast-paced world of non-professional blogging

Nolan Nightingale

Mar 07, 2018

Susquehanna University

janeb13

A lot of people have asked me what exactly what it's like writing as a columnist on Odyssey (I mean, they actually haven't, but this concept for an article struck me as funny). To properly convey the high-pressure world of non-paid internet columnists, I decided to steal the transcript of one of our recent meetings (Which totally exist. Don't question it.). Enjoy.

4:38 PM, 2/12/18

Elsie (Editor in Chief): Alright assholes, we need some motherfucking Valentine's Day articles and we need them now.

Nolan (Smart-ass writer): And get the woman some pictures of Spider-man while you're at it, Freshman scum!

Elsie: Nolan...I will personally rip your throat out and use it for type-writer ribbon.

Nolan: Understood, boss.

Elsie: I'm seeing a lot of new faces in here today, most of them Freshmen...so we'll have Sue talk to all of you real quick.

Sue (Assistant Editor): Alright, alright, alright, new faces! And technically the term is First-Years, guys.

Nolan: I would like the record to reflect that she dabbed on her way up here and then proceeded to do finger-guns.

Elsie: Nolan!

Nolan: I know, I know...rip my throat out and all that.

Elsie: Actually, I've changed my mind. I want to tear your arms off, use them as drum sticks, and perform the drum solo from "Tom Sawyer" with them.

Nolan: That would be so impressive, I'm not even sure I'd be mad.

Elsie: Sue, proceed.

Sue: Well, as all of you know-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Elsie: What?

Sue: There was a giant cockroach right on the ground! It was crawling around.

Nolan: Oh yeah, I saw that the other day. It's gross. I named it Steven.

Elsie: Why didn't you tell any of us that we had an infestation?

Nolan: ...For the meme?

Elsie: I hate everything about you. Alright, everyone hit me with your article pitches. Nolan, I see your hand. I'm still not calling on you.

Nolan: Why?

Elsie: Your article is just gonna be a real meta concept that won't get too many page views because it's so far up its own ass.

Nolan: That's not all it'll be...There will be dick jokes, too.

Elsie: Aren't you just the Vonnegut of your generation?

Nolan: And I have far worse problems than my dick jokes, thank you very much.

Elsie: Like what?

Nolan: I never know how to end an article.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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From The Writer's Room

A glimpse into the fast-paced world of non-professional blogging

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#EnglishMajorProbs

You are basically a zombie with a pencil.

You receive confused looks from others when you name drop an author/literary terminology.

You wear your suffering as a badge.

You proofread every text and social media post you write.

You cringe when you read a non-English major's paper,

You could spend all day in a library.

"The Office" is a mockumentary based on everyday office life featuring love triangles, silly pranks and everything in between. It can get pretty crazy for just an average day at the office.

The good old days are always happening now, so live in the moment.

“Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica” are the three most important topics one can talk about.

The Dundies are cooler than the Oscars.

Everybody has a Toby, and they are just someone you have to learn to deal with.

Group pictures are hard to take (especially jumping pics).

It's never too early to eat ice cream.

Schrute’s are always prepared for anything.

Except pop culture references...

Holidays are important and a very good reason to host any kind of party.

There will always be cynical co-workers to deal with.

Putting things in Jell-O is a great use of your time.

Sometimes funny voices and personas make awkward situations easier (just ask Prison Mike).

That places you may not always love can bring you the people you love.

Determination is an important characteristic to possess.

Sarcasm is essential in everyday life.

Love can be really weird.

At Halloween time, it is trivial to come with your best costume ready.

Friendship is long lasting no matter where the future takes you.

Pranks are funny no matter the age.

Goodbyes are hard, but reunions are worth it.

Blogs are confusing.

"That's what she said" jokes will never get old.

Jim Halpert can say so much with just a look at the camera.

Bros should always come before hoes because...

Declaring bankruptcy isn't as hard as we all thought.

Office places can be weird and stressful at times.

Michael Scott loves Dunder Mifflin and the Scranton Office more than anything.

"The Office" truly does have a lot that it can teach us.

Ah, pre-med: home of the dead at heart.

1. You have forsaken all your friends for coffee.

2. 8 hours of sleep? Try 4 instead.

3. Everyone asks you for medical advice, even though you’re not a doctor yet.

4. Your second home is the library.

5. Almost all of your nightmares are about school and exams.

6. You don’t see the problem with taking 3 technicals in one semester.

7. Research, research, research, research, research.

8. You volunteer more than any of your friends.

9. You like going to labs more than going to lecture.

10. But, you know it’ll all be worth the struggle the day you don that white coat and call yourself a doctor.

Books were always about understanding for me, about learning the way someone else sees, about connection.

A book by the name of "The Stranger."

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