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From The Writer's Room

A glimpse into the fast-paced world of non-professional blogging

Nolan Nightingale

Mar 07, 2018

Susquehanna University

janeb13

A lot of people have asked me what exactly what it's like writing as a columnist on Odyssey (I mean, they actually haven't, but this concept for an article struck me as funny). To properly convey the high-pressure world of non-paid internet columnists, I decided to steal the transcript of one of our recent meetings (Which totally exist. Don't question it.). Enjoy.

4:38 PM, 2/12/18

Elsie (Editor in Chief): Alright assholes, we need some motherfucking Valentine's Day articles and we need them now.

Nolan (Smart-ass writer): And get the woman some pictures of Spider-man while you're at it, Freshman scum!

Elsie: Nolan...I will personally rip your throat out and use it for type-writer ribbon.

Nolan: Understood, boss.

Elsie: I'm seeing a lot of new faces in here today, most of them Freshmen...so we'll have Sue talk to all of you real quick.

Sue (Assistant Editor): Alright, alright, alright, new faces! And technically the term is First-Years, guys.

Nolan: I would like the record to reflect that she dabbed on her way up here and then proceeded to do finger-guns.

Elsie: Nolan!

Nolan: I know, I know...rip my throat out and all that.

Elsie: Actually, I've changed my mind. I want to tear your arms off, use them as drum sticks, and perform the drum solo from "Tom Sawyer" with them.

Nolan: That would be so impressive, I'm not even sure I'd be mad.

Elsie: Sue, proceed.

Sue: Well, as all of you know-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Elsie: What?

Sue: There was a giant cockroach right on the ground! It was crawling around.

Nolan: Oh yeah, I saw that the other day. It's gross. I named it Steven.

Elsie: Why didn't you tell any of us that we had an infestation?

Nolan: ...For the meme?

Elsie: I hate everything about you. Alright, everyone hit me with your article pitches. Nolan, I see your hand. I'm still not calling on you.

Nolan: Why?

Elsie: Your article is just gonna be a real meta concept that won't get too many page views because it's so far up its own ass.

Nolan: That's not all it'll be...There will be dick jokes, too.

Elsie: Aren't you just the Vonnegut of your generation?

Nolan: And I have far worse problems than my dick jokes, thank you very much.

Elsie: Like what?

Nolan: I never know how to end an article.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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From The Writer's Room

A glimpse into the fast-paced world of non-professional blogging

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The holiday season can be the best and most stressful time of the year, especially when more people are involved.

1. The Family Traditions

2. Enough food for an actual army

3. Never enough space

4. Always Loud & Never Boring

5. Parties. Parties. Parties.

6. Scheduling

7. Travelling

8. The family members you see once a year

9. DRAMA

10. The questions about life

AKA, Christmas overload.

I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

1. Watch an R-rated Scary Movie in a Movie Theater

2. Buy a Lottery Ticket

3. Vote in an Election

4. Participate in a Run (or a Walk, Realistically) for Charity

5. Go on a Road Trip

6. Start a Savings Account

7. Get a Credit Card

8. Sign up for Spotify Premium

9. Go to a Club

10. Start a Meditation Routine

11. Go to a Yoga Class

12. Treat Myself to a Dinner for One

13. Volunteer for a Charity

14. Participate in a Research Study

15. Bake Something (That Ends Up Being Edible)

16. Go Skydiving

17. Be Called for Jury Duty

18. Figure Out What I Want to Do With my Life

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1."But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

"If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

"If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find a that love actually is all around."

"Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on."

"'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.'"

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to."

"There's room for everyone on the nice list."

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

1. Why are towels considered dirty when you get out of the shower clean?

2. Who closes the bus door once the bus driver gets off?

3. Why is there a "d" in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?

4. If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

5. Is the "S" or the "C" silent in the word "scent"?

6. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

7. Would Lightning McQueen buy car insurance or life insurance?

8. Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?

9. What color are mirrors?

10. If 2 mind readers read each other's minds whose mind are they really reading?

11. Is there a synonym for "synonym"?

12. If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, are your pants tucked into your shirt?

13. Why is it called "quick sand" if you sink slowly in it?

14. If I try to fail, but succeed, which one did I do?

15. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

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