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If Zeus And Other Myths Had Voicemails

Beep

Nolan Nightingale

Jan 30, 2017

Susquehanna University

Zeus:

*Beep*

Hi, this is Zeus: God of Thunder. I'm not in right now. I'm probably off smiting mortals or turning into flecks of gold in order to impregnate some mortal, as per usual. Anyways, please leave a message after the beep.

*Beep*

Paul Bunyan:

*Beep*

Hola, this is (haha) Julio. Wassup hombre? Hahahahaha! I'm just kidding! It's me, Paul Bunyan! Leave your name and number and I'll be sure to get back to you.

*Beep*

Menelaus:

*Beep*

Helen, if this is you don't hang up! Please come back to me. Baby, you know we work best together. Do you think that young douche, Paris, can give you what I did! WHYWOULDYOULEAVEME! Okay...okay...I'm calm. Please come back. Oh, also, leave your message after the beep.

*Beep*

The Grim Reaper:

*Beep*

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH. Please leave a message after the beep.

*Beep*

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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If Zeus And Other Myths Had Voicemails

*Beep*

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25 reasons your last semester in college is the best and worst time of your life

"The Office" understands the struggle of the first week back from winter break.

1. Waking up for your first 9:00 a.m. class of the semester.

2. When you remember you have to walk in the freezing cold to your classes.

3. Feeling overly confident in your academic abilities on the first day of classes.

4. Walking into your first class and seeing friends from your major.

5. That moment when you open the syllabus packet to see what possible pain lies ahead.

6. You resent the professors that keep you for the whole class time on the first day.

7. When professors tell you too much about their personal lives on the first day of class.

8. When your professor tries to explain the benchmark assignment to the class.

9. Finding out the final exam in a class will be comprehensive.

10. When you're done with classes for the day and you finally get to take a nap.

11. Finding out a required textbook is out of stock at the bookstore.

12. When you're broke after buying your textbooks for the semester.

13. When you realize that you really need to start getting PATH points...

14. Impatiently waiting for all of your classes to be up on Isidore.

14. The realization that this semester will be harder than you anticipated...

15. Getting overly excited for going out on the first weekend back from break.

Each Disney Princess has their own personality, and chances are you've got a friend in your group to match it.

Cinderella, “The Clean Freak”

Snow White, “The Friendly One”

Belle, “The Studious One”

Mulan, “The Fighter”

Pocahontas, “The Peace Keeper”

Sleeping Beauty, “The Sleepy One”

Rapunzel, “The Sheltered One”

Tiana, “The Independent One”

Ariel, “The One Who Is Shy Around Men”

Elsa, “The Mom”

Anna, “The Impulsive One”

Say yes to new adventures!

It's full of opportunities to learn more things.

It's one of the easiest times to make friends.

It helps you learn how to think critically.

You get to focus on what you want to study.

Class is minutes away from your dorm.

. . . and the library

You won't be judged for going to class in your PJ's

You will truly create yourself.

These are just a few.

The Academic

The “Prepster”

The Theatre Person

The Entrepreneur

The Eco Rep

The Athlete

The Bio-chem Major

The Party-er

The Great Debater

The English Major

The RA

The Art Major

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