This is for everyone who feels like they are on top of a mountain some days and other days they feel like they are sinking quickly to the bottom of the ocean. The people who wake up feeling like they can conquer the world on Monday and then on Tuesday, they do something as simple as drop their pencil and end up on the floor crying.
Feeling every emotion to it's strongest degree can make you feel crazy. You are constantly on this bumpy road of really high highs and really low lows.
Everyone feels sad or depressed sometimes, but there are people who feel it deeper than others. People who can't just go for a run and shake it off, people who's lows can not be helped by spending time with family or any type of therapy. You can't just smile through it. All you can do is feel it. Feel your sadness in its greatest capacity.
I keep describing these lows as a "feeling", but honestly they don't feel like anything at all. You feel numb. You feel an indifference to the world, and making any type of decision, no matter how small, is nearly impossible. Even the simple task of holding a conversation feels overwhelming, so you just don't do it. You shut everyone out and you shut down. People start to think that you don't like them and don't want to talk to them but really, you just can't right now.
This numbness is possibly one of the worst feelings ever. It's like you're in a glass box just looking out at the world spinning around you and everyone that you love and want to talk to, but you can't talk to them or communicate at all because you're trapped in this box.
Even though to you, the silence in your head is the loudest scream for help you've ever heard, no one can hear it but you.
The days drag on and you get by and do everything you need to do but you don't feel like you're actually living. You feel absent from your own life, like you're looking in on yourself from the outside. You scream, you cry, you blast music so hard that your eardrums can't handle it. You do literally anything you can to feel any type of emotion but all you feel is empty.
The only thing that gets you through these low times is knowing that they will end. They always do and they always will. You have to fight through it with all of your strength in order to reach that light at the end of the tunnel. It could take days, it could take weeks, but you will eventually get through it.
Then there comes the highs. When you are filled from your toes to the top of your head with happiness and excitement. It feels like you can suddenly see in color again after seeing life in only black and white for so long. You become overwhelmed with the colors of the sky and you feel like you could conquer your entire life in just this single day.
You start to think "how could I have possibly been depressed before?" and "wow I'll never let myself get like that again." Thinking like this can feel good in the moment but can be dangerous when you start to fall back into one of the low times.
The highs make you start to get ahead of yourself. Your mind goes faster than your feet and your heart starts pumping so quick it feels like you could explode. You start making plans for months in the future and trying to map out your whole life because you are suddenly full of this motivation to live that you haven't felt in so long.
Use this motivation to get things done that need to be done, but don't let it take control of you. Try to slow your mind down and know that you can't plan your entire life out in a single day and expect it to go just like that. Slow down and enjoy the happiness that you are currently feeling.
The highs and the lows compliment each other. Though they can be hard to balance, they are what made your life unique. The highs cannot exist without the lows and always keeping that in the back of your mind will remind you that the lows are worth living too. If you didn't feel these super low lows, then your highs wouldn't feel as amazing as they do.
These intense ups and downs are unpredictable and messy and draining but they are so real and invigorating. These raw, unstable feelings are what make this life your very own.
So let yourself feel every single emotion that you feel in its greatest capacity. It is not a weakness, it is a strength. Feeling everything so deeply makes you indestructible. Use this as a power and I promise you, the sun will never fail to start shining again.
