All while I was growing up I felt like the only word I ever heard was "no." No, I can't go to this event. No, I can't have this. No, I can't wear that. To me, my requests didn't seem unreasonable because EVERYONE around me was wearing or had the thing or going to the things that I was staying at home mad at my mom for. She always said "one day you'll understand" and now I do, but then I didn't. And to this day even though I live three hours away from home, my mom still monitors me and when I come home still continuously tells me that dreaded word "no." For a long time, I resented her. I didn't understand, how bad could it be if my entire friend group was doing it? I could NOT wait for the day that I got to move out... but when I did, I realized how good I had it.
My mom always said, "I'm not here to be a friend, I'm here to be your parent." I never understood that until I actually started packing my bags for college. I looked back on those high school days and realized that all this things I couldn't go to always ended up with some crazy story that sounded fun but actually was terrifying for the people it happened to. Those things I couldn't wear at the time preserved some....thing...inside of me. Those things I couldn't have until I got older and she felt I was more responsible proved that some very bad things could have happened had I gotten them when I wanted them. She did everything and still does everything in her power to protect me and that is why things were so different. She was a little stricter, a little less lenient than some of my friends' parents but I didn't have to work so hard to be someone I was PROUD to be because my mom never let me shy away from that.
She loves me unconditionally, and I know that if I ever needed anything she would be first in line. She's held my hand through hospital visits and sat by my side through unwanted doctors visits. She listened to me cry over the phone because school has gotten the best of me and she supports me and holds me up when I feel too tired or weak to do so myself. By parenting me and not letting me do anything I wanted, she taught me to be strong and independent and taught me how to not be afraid to stand out against the crowd and to stand firm in my standards and morals and faith. In parenting me she taught me to be someone that was okay with doing things on my own. She raised me to be someone that we could both trust. In parenting me, she showed me exactly the kind of woman I so desperately wish to be.
Now, things are more relaxed but I do still have rules and regulations and yes, even a curfew when I'm home. But considering all she has done for me, I feel as though this is more than fair. Plus, she has yet to be wrong about my friends or times that I should be home or if I'm even leaving home that night or not.
She wasn't my best friend then, but now she is. Now, I call her every time there's a slight inconvenience. I call her when I feel like my world is crashing down. On the days that I'm sick in bed the only thing I want is for my mom to be there with me catering to my every need (sorry, mom). On the nights that I watch scary movies and wake up from nightmares I still wish to crawl into bed with her because I know she will protect me from all monsters — even the ones in my head. She is my parent first, my protector second, my best friend third.
