That used to be me. Up at the crack of dawn beating the sun back to the locker room so I’d have enough time to shower before the school bell rang in the morning. Cross Country was what I did. I wasn’t ever extraordinary, but it felt good, and it was nice to look behind me at the end of a course or a practice and see miles and miles of earth that just couldn’t beat me. I conquered something every day.
And somehow, I gave all of those good feelings up.
I’m the girl who broke up with running.
Somewhere between fall 2014 and now I’d forgotten how great it felt to eat a guilt-free double cheeseburger, or the way I was always more awake than my classmates at eight in the morning high on endorphins and ready to go. I’d forgotten the battles I fought against my own body to be in the best shape of my life, I forgot how to be strong. Since then, I’ve caught myself looking in the mirror far too often and being not especially pleased with what I see. Since then, I haven’t been falling asleep and I haven’t been waking up as easily as I’d like to. Since then, I haven’t been as proud of myself as I used to be. Since then, I’ve taken my livelihood and the full extent of my body’s ability for granted.
I’m the girl who broke up with running.
I’d look in the mirror and see a few extra pounds and the only effort I took to lose them was to skip breakfast. I’d only turn to exercise as an alternative to hitting somebody. My mind would get so carried away with itself and the voices in my head would scream so loudly that I would shut myself in my room and let them keep screaming. I’d forgotten the only thing that could shut all of that down, and now I remember.
It might have taken a major lifestyle change and a swift kick in the behind to get me here. It might hurt like hell, and I’m definitely not as strong as I used to be. I’m getting there. A few miles a day and a couple hot baths and cold showers, drinking more water, drinking more coffee, being more me.
Daily, I’m grateful for the blessings that are passed my way. My right to education, the friends that I have, the job that feeds me and keeps me warm, It’s about time that the legs which take me everywhere get their fair share, too.
