This one is for the dancers who have graduated high school and no longer compete with their studio.

At my last performance, everyone cried and said how much they would miss me. I cried too, but reassured everyone that I would come back and visit when I was on break from school. I had so many things to look forward to, and I was ready to start something new. Alumni come back and visit all the time, frequenting performances to cheer on friends and other dancers. This was certainly not the end; only a new beginning.

What I didn't realize at that point was just how different life would be when I was no longer a dancer.

I have ample opportunities to come back; my two younger sisters still compete, so I am never too far from the studio. There is always something for me to do around the studio, whether it be editing music or teaching private lessons. Reading a book for the second time can leave you with a different impression, and coming back to the studio as an alumnus is like a whole different experience.

I feel as though I don't belong anymore, like I should be doing something else because that chapter of my life has come to a close. I wish I could flip back to that chapter and read it again, getting the same wonderment that I received the first time.

Watching my group perform now is like watching your significant other move on after a breakup. They miss me, but they are doing fine without me. Sometimes while I am watching, I see myself dancing beside them, but there is no longer a place for me in the formation. I want to support them, but the dances are so beautiful that it almost hurts to watch them perform without me.

While watching certain dances, my heart feels as though it is brimming over the edge; it was the feeling I would get while I was on stage. But now, this feeling brings tears to my eyes. My heart is so full from watching the artful choreography and seeing that my friends I grew up with have transformed into mature artists and yet, it is still unsatisfying. I can no longer get that feeling from maintaining the stage, and it leaves me feeling a little empty inside.

Being a dancer has been a part of my life since I was two years old. Now that I graduated, it feels as though I have been stripped of part of my identity. But what I came to realize over the course of this year is that I can explore other parts of who I am and dance will always be there, like a lighthouse, guiding me back to shore when I need it. I will always miss the time when I was a dancer, but those memories can never be taken away from me, and I will continue to watch my sisters and my friends perform.