There's something that I've personally struggled with for a long time that has only recently made itself largely manifest in my life. It's something that I don't like to talk about usually, and generally keep it to myself. This isn't an excuse, but only so people might understand an unseen struggle that plenty of people deal with, and something I think gets overlooked in society.
It's this idea of social anxiety.
Before I say anything else, let me disclose that I've not actually been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.
That's important to know, as there are plenty of people who have received this medical diagnosed, and most definitely struggle with this way worse than I do. I want to bring that up so that you understand that for some people this disorder is even more disruptive.
Thus, I am using the phrase social anxiety rather than social anxiety disorder. While I have my suspicions, I cannot consciously speak as if I have the disorder for certain. I wouldn't feel right in doing so.
I at least constantly struggle with social anxiety, whether what I have is a disorder isn't the point of this article.
Let me define social anxiety for you really quick, despite the fact it's self-explanatory.
Social anxiety is the fear of socialsituations that involve interaction with other people. (Note that it's social anxiety, not social anxiety disorder, or SAD).
Our lives depend on and inherently involve other people. Our social lives tend to be just as important as any other aspect of our activities. How we interact and put ourselves out there for other people to see comprises a good majority of our time. As a result, being able to interact with people is an essential life skill, and something that some of us struggle with intensely.
While all people at some point get anxious when dealing with people, especially when meeting new people, the idea of social anxiety disorder, which I believe also partially applies to abnormal amounts of social anxiety, is that the individual experiences irrational anxiety, nervousness, or fear when faced with social scenarios that are often common. Anything ranging from meeting new people to ordering food at a restaurant.
Let me put this in a context that hopefully everyone can understand. In some ways, it's like that dream people often have as children, where you show up to school and suddenly realize that you forgot to wear pants that day and everyone responds by laughing and pointing at you.
That's a small exaggeration of the feeling I first get when I walk into a crowded room. To be honest, it's not near as bad, but in some ways it's a more moderate version of that.
Self-conscious, embarrassed, anxious.
All these are words that would describe what it feels like. Despite what my mind tells me, that I'm just another person, I become extremely self-conscious of nearly everything I do, which ends up being stressful, despite there being no reason for my anxiety.
For example, I get anxious about something as simple as ordering food at a restaurant or fast food joint. If you asked me why, I wouldn't be able to give you a direct answer, I simply do. Some days are worse than others, and it generally isn't debilitating for me. Simply one more thing that I can add to my list of things that stress me out, something I have to do.
I stress about what to say, then I go to order and stand there awkwardly for a couple seconds as I forget what I was going to order, after which I continue to worry about whether I ordered in the right tone and with the right greetings. I spend the next couple minutes stressed about whether I made a complete fool of myself.
While it's generally pretty quick for me, and over soon after it begins, this isn't the case for some. For some, it's much worse, and for those of you who have to deal with this to a higher degree, I'm sorry. I can't imagine having more severe social anxiety.
If you're meeting me for the first time, it probably won't be obvious. I may struggle with it, but only moderately compared to some.
I'm don't stammer and looking away constantly. I've learned how to deal with it and be as sociable as I can be. But, it makes socializing and interacting with strangers exhausting, and it means I have to make a very conscious effort and be very determined in order to do so.
Even the smallest details will haunt me afterward. I often will set aside time prior to meeting someone new simply to be mentally prepared.
It tends not to affect my life too much, aside from preferring to avoid areas that are popular and full of people, and declining a couple party invitations. I'm not a hermit, and I do like people. I simply require preparation and thought in order to fully enjoy it, stress-free. After I'm comfortable enough with someone, the feeling tends to decrease as the amount of time I spend with them increases.
All this is to say, I'm simply allowing anyone who cares to, to read a snapshot of something I struggle with, so they might understand someone else who struggles with the same thing.
Perhaps this is simply myself speaking and it is only applicable to myself and a few of my friends. Perhaps I'm crazy and this is something everyone deals with. Or perhaps you can relate.
Either way, we all have our struggles, and this just so happens to be one of mine.
