Throughout my life, I have faced many adversities and loss from an early age. I am able to write this gratefully because it has shaped me to become the person I am today. I believe that my tragedies and the people I have lost throughout my life have shaped my childhood and prepared me to become the person I am today.
I was raised for the first five years of my life in Rockland County, NY by a single mom. When I was six years old, my mother passed away of breast cancer. When I was seven years old, the father whom I had never known came back into my life to care for me. Within living for a year with him in West Philadelphia, he unfortunately passed away from HIV and AIDS. So, it was time to move back to Rockland County, NY and live with close family members. The following year, after my father's passing, one of my close uncles died in a car accident. As I mention all of this, it seems as though I was living in an episode from "The Twilight Zone." When I was younger, I couldn't comprehend why everyone close to me was dying.
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When it came to death or any loss, I did what I thought was best: I moved on without grieving. As I got older, I learned how to grieve. When people think of grieving, they think it's an emotional suffering, but in actuality, it is an emotional response to losing something or someone you love and feeling that that thing or person has been taken away from you. The more significant your loss is, the greater is the intensity of your grief. So when I was younger, I never found a chance to grieve. The older I got, the harder it was for me to focus because I knew something or someone was either missing or gone. What I found I had to do was learn how to grieve.
When I was younger, it was hard for me to grieve, but as I got older, I saw how much I needed to grieve. For many, it comes naturally, because grieving is their normal response. However, a lot of people, myself included, put a guard up to either not show emotion or just freeze when it comes to certain horrible circumstances.
I personally believe that my faith and relationship with God has allowed me to be open, transparent and real with Him and with people. My faith allows me to be honest with others, including God. Now I know when to cry, when to laugh, when to be upset and when to be happy, because my tragedies have made me into who I am.
