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Relationships

I Wasn't Strong Enough For My Long Distance Relationship, But Maybe You Could Be

Distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder.

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I Wasn't Strong Enough For My Long Distance Relationship, But Maybe You Could Be
Constance Woodard

One of the first independent life decisions I ever made was to go to a college that was 500 miles away from home. 500 miles away from my mom, my family, my boyfriend, my dog, everyone. I literally knew no one that was going to be within a 100-mile radius of me. It was a scary decision and support was greatly needed. The support was there from just about everyone. However, when it came to my relationship the support wasn't there.

I know you've probably read articles like “Why Long-Distance Relationships Are Worth It" or even “Long Distance Relationships 101," but let me just be the first to tell you that nothing will prepare you for when there is actually 500 miles between you and the person you cherish most. When you no longer can touch them every day or just ride down the road and go see them or have them hold you on your bad days, that's when it truly gets hard.

You need amazing communication skills. You need the greatest support system possible. You need trust in one another. You HAVE to have each other. If you don't have each other, the relationship WILL break. If you don't have all your ducks in a row, this relationship could easily kill you. All the arguing. All the mistrust. All the unsupported decisions. Everything that you think could possibly go wrong, will.

I know many people say that long-distance relationships aren't that bad and that anyone can do them, and for a while, I believed them just like anybody else could have. I mean, they make you think that the impossible is possible. You begin to think that with love anything is possible and you won't just be like another couple who ended the relationship because of the distance. But let me tell you it is hard, and sometimes it's really not worth it.

Don't get me wrong, if you believe that you and your significant other can get through thick and thin, hell or high water, then by all means at least try to go to the distance.

However, in order for it work, you have to make sure that the relationship is an amazing place. Because if you leave to go to college, or wherever you're going, you'll find that it's nearly impossible to solve problems and work through them if the relationship isn't strong. Things quickly became harder and harder to deal with.

When I left, my boyfriend was not happy with the decision I made to go to a college that was 500 miles from him. As soon as I got here I immediately felt like I couldn't be honest with him. I felt like he hated me for coming here and hated me for making this decision without him. No matter how much he expressed that he didn't, it always still showed that he did.

For the first couple of weeks, things were great. I called him in between classes, during the day, and at night before bed. I kept him informed of what I was dealing with. I made time for him as much as I possibly could.

Even though I kept him in the loop about everything I was dealing with, it still wasn't enough for him and he still felt like he wasn't involved. He immediately felt like if I wasn't spending the time to come and see him, it wasn't time well spent.

The major thing that broke our relationship was that I took a weekend trip to a nearby town about four hours away to see some distant family. He was not okay with this at all. He felt that if I was taking the time to go and see family, that I should be taking the same time to come and see him.

Even though I was doing something that I was making me happy, he felt like it wasn't worth doing because it wasn't with him. With there being 500 miles between us the little things quickly became the big things.

Many people don't realize exactly how stressful and time-consuming college really is. I understand that some people handle it better than others, but for a lot of people, it takes all of their energy. Before I left, I thought that college and a relationship was going to be something I could handle. I thought I was among some of the strongest individuals out there. But you don't realize how much of you has to go into college and everything you're dealing with.

College is rough, to say the least. So when you combine a toxic relationship filled with arguing, insecurities, and bad habits, you have to take a step back and realize what is best for you.

That's exactly what I had to do. All of the little arguments that we would have before I left that seemed like nothing in front of each other, become HUGE things that were impossible to overcome because we couldn't see eye-to-eye on anything because we weren't eye-to-eye.

One of the hardest things I've ever had to overcome was the fact that the guy I wanted to marry, was not the guy I would end up marrying. I quickly had to realize that college and my education and my career, were far more important than the guy who I thought was amazing.

Because when the facts and evidence were broke down and put in front of me, this guy wasn't all that amazing. He didn't support me and doing what I had to do to get an education. He didn't support me in living my life here without him.

So the number one thing I suggest you do before you head off and embark on an amazing adventure, realize who supports you and who is worth supporting. You will find out quickly that some people are not worth your time and energy.

Now after all of this, if you still believe with your whole heart that your relationship can get through anything or that your relationship is not like others and you can do anything, then, by all means, try it. I am not here to discourage you or to make you think that long-distance relationships are impossible.

I only want you to take a second to realize that things will not always go as you plan.

Never forget that no matter what happens, whether it be that your relationship makes it or that it doesn't, you WILL be ok. No matter how much it may feel like the world is ending, it's not and it's going to be ok.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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