Dear Alba,

A lot of people are quick to have a preconceived notion about our relationship. This is because they haven't walked our journeys. Those people are ignorant and opinionated on topics and issues that they've never witnessed or experienced first hand. These people come and speak venomous words that eventually result in a trail of toxicity and false predicaments. These are the people who are quick to yell family and friends, but destroy you harder than an enemy. These are the people who need to be aware that their words are only fuel toward my success. These are the people who need to read this and understand that I stand in the truth. My truth. Your truth. Our truth.

As a mother, you know your failures, the same way as a daughter, I know mine. Now that I am an adult, I feel proud to say that I am in control of my own happiness and success. I have striven and excelled. I have done it without the support of those who consider themselves to be "family." With every negative connotation and every doubt, I have found success and happiness for myself. I am woman enough to stand on my own two feet and write this so that the world is aware of my success, as an outcome of the failures you have inflicted on my life as a mother.

Considering nothing but the truth, you have failed me as a mom. Strategically, you were able to function with your issues. Work in the days and doing drugs at night. Getting a fist to your face from a man who claimed he loved you. You functioned as a hypocrite with your numerous flaws. Sadly, I was front and center as a witness.

There I was at only 11, hearing toxic words and experiencing toxic things as a result of your choices. I was a child who needed the warm embrace of the only mother I've ever known. Without any hesitation you consistently chose this lifestyle of drugs, abuse and pain.

I never understood why you chose this. So many nights I cried out for you. So many nights you made me feel ashamed, as if I were the crazy one. You always made it seem as if my emotions were a result of being a hormonal teenager, but were they?

I had to deal with abuse from the same hands that were abusing you. I had to deal with rude and disrespectful words that were simultaneously being spoken to us both. Crying profusely as I watched you ice your wounds, I was left haunted by your cries. In my mind I always cried out for my mother's affection, but I was always greeted with negative words that linger in my spirit to this day.

Never as a mother did you attend school events. Never as a mother did you witness the success I strove for, while I simultaneously struggled. Each day coming home later and later as a result of apprehension. I was in complete fear of what I would expect. People often fear the unknown, but I feared what I knew. I knew you chose the rush of the high. I knew you chose a man who disrespected you in front of your children on numerous occasions. I knew abuse and pain was inevitable. I knew no one would pick me up from school. I knew no one would celebrate my sweet 16. I knew I was wasted space. I knew I wasn't wanted. I knew I was fat with a dark heart. I knew cutting myself was the only pain I could control. I knew without permission I'd feel unwanted touches. I knew without permission I'd hear my mother's cry. I knew without permission your boyfriend would bring home friends and smoke a dub until he'd feel confident to hit you again. I knew so many things as a result of what was displayed right in front of me, or to me, because you were so selfish you only chose yourself.

So many things you tried to get me to believe about myself and I believed them. I was broken down by the words you spoke to me. I was broken down by the words you allowed a worthless man to speak to me. These are all things I couldn't control. These are things I had to live with. These are things that became normal to me as a child.

Consistently dealing with the same things, at different times, on different days. Completely isolated from the outside world, because who is going to understand some kid? No one understood. It didn't matter how loud I shouted for help. It didn't matter how much pain I was in. It was like being in an asylum for years until I was 15 and I had to make an adult choice for myself.

Without an understanding of true love, I chose to run off with the first person who was willing to provide this ideology of safety, love and stability. As a mother you allowed me to make a choice so grand. As an adult I understand why you allowed this to happen. I was a burden to you and you didn't want to deal with the responsibility of taking care of a 15-year-old child. You continued to speak words for years to come. You continued to bring me down with these negative connotations.

I had to accept this was my choice, and I had to be an adult when I needed a mother. I needed you to choose me over the drugs and over this man who claimed to love you, but I realized I was waiting for years for you to prioritize. You never could. You never did.

I was in the world at 15 as a result of your role and choices as a mother. I was broken, bruised, lost, hurt and naive to the world in front of me, but without you, I managed to survive. I found faith in God and a love for myself.

Despite everything, I find forgiveness in you. I pray for you often because despite every memory I have of you, I must consider Gods path for me. God gave me everything in this light because I was able to shine bright and find grace and mercy.

There is no need for pity or blame. I don't point fingers at you. I don't blame you. I forgive you and I could only hope as a woman you understand your faults so that you are able to grow from them.

I take responsibility for my actions and my role as an adult. I am proud to say that I work hard to maintain a high GPA. I'm proud to say I am a double major at a university. I am proud to say I am not a prostitute, a stripper, a teenage mother, a junkie, etc.. I have broken every stereotype as a young Hispanic woman without parents at the age of 15. I have broken down negative wishes that were placed over my spirit. I've done all of these things as a conscious, intellectual, hardworking and determined young woman.

People will always have something to say about my journey because they haven't walked it. I continue to strive because this is my choice as an adult. I choose to break the barriers and chains that have been placed on my path. From a daughter to a mother, I humbly forgive you and thank you for giving me the tools to be a strong young woman.

I am aware now on my journey that you can't show something that you yourself never received. I could only pray that my journey could touch and inspire the hearts of others. I love you, mom. I forgive you.

Special thanks to the people and family who have showed support on my journey. You are appreciated.