It's a tale as old as time. French fries have been known as the most delicious side dish by practically the entire universe for over 200 years. The glorious fried potato has graced our entrees no matter the meal, whether it is a good ol' American hamburger or Great Britain's infamous fish and chips and basically any other food option ever. Want to go to McDonald's and get some apple slices and fries? Go for it. I'm sure the combination works. Why? Because fries are just that awesome.
When the fry was first created, the popularity of men started to decline. I believe that if the patriarchy is ever taken down, it will be because of the beautiful fried potato. Here's a few reasons why french fries will always win over guys.
French fries can't break your heart
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Ever wondered why no one hates French fries? Because they will never be mean to you. Sure, if you eat them all of the time, you might gain some inches around your waist. But for the love that they give you in return? Priceless and totally worth it. I mean, there is no such thing as a bad French fry, but there are bad guys, and those are the ones you stay away from. Good Fry>Bad Guy.
French fries won't wake up beside you in 20 years and want a divorce.
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The divorce rate in the U.S. is up to 50 percent. That's every other married couple, so you might be thinking, "Is it all worth it?" Your friends will tell you yes, but fries will show you another way of life. This life is one filled with the everlasting love of fries. Men can give you their love and even a few kids, but a French fry love is the best kind of love on earth. If your man doesn't understand that, you have total permission to call off the relationship. Or don't. You do you, fry friends.
French fries are always there for you.
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Fries are
great company, too. Some of my most personal moments have been shared over a plate of fries. Well, me eating the fries while thinking about these moments. Same difference, though. Sure, they don't talk much, but they listen to you,
really listen to you, and that's all that matters. They don't argue with you, you are always right, and you can always have it your way. It's the easiest relationship you could possibly have.
French fries can even pay the bills.
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Are you a fry connoisseur? Do you believe you have what it takes to be in the French fry business? There have been entire businesses based on selling solely French fries. These creators of the earthly manna have proven to be successful over the years, from food trucks to even restaurant based on the art of the French fry.
French Fries don't discriminate.
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French fries don't
care who you are. Race, sex, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religious beliefs? French fries see beyond discrimination. They see a human being, a human being that just wants to eat a French fry and be loved, and that human being will receive love from that French fry as well as feel nourished by its potato-ness. I think we should all strive to have the perspective of a French fry.
French fries love you for who you are
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They see you in the best of times, and they see you in the worst of times. Even when you are freaking out and deciphering that text you got from that guy you are
talking to, you can talk to the fries about it. And by talking, I mean eating. Fries understand, fries understand it all.
French fries can create world peace.
Have you ever heard of anyone getting into a fight about not liking fries? No? That's because that's not possible. I believe that if the world leaders all got together and discussed their issues over a very large plate of fries, the world would be a much more peaceful place. Just think of all of the possibilities! Everybody respecting each other, no hatred amongst the fry-loving people, economies around the world would be at an all time high, and hey, French fries could probably stop global warming. We just have to think of a way they could. I'm sure it could happen, though. Bet your last boyfriend couldn't do that.
French fries satisfy you more than men ever could.
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Yes, men are wonderful in their own way, and they definitely are very important in our lives as women. But we can't eat men. I mean, we could, but that's cannibalism which is totally illegal and pretty morbid. They probably don't taste good anyway. We can eat French fries, though. As far as my health is concerned, I'd rather be fed forever than have a man and starve.
So what does it all fry down to (pun intended)? Men are great and essential to society, but French fries are totally better. If you don't agree after reading all of my reasons, I get it. You are just a fry-hating hater. But it's a good thing I don't see the haters, and neither should you, fry friends. Stick to your guns, and remember, fries before guys.
