I have so many different memories of us throughout the years. We would have real-life streaks, of days upon days of sleepovers. Sometimes we'd binge watch (before it was even a thing) scary movies, even though your parents thought they had them blocked on the TV. We'd do everything we shouldn't have, and anything we wanted to. Little things still remind me of those times, and of who you used to be. But you're not that person anymore and that's okay.
College was my path, and working was yours. You always tended to do the opposite of me, even though I always knew you could have done better. I always wanted better for you, and maybe that's my own problem.
I felt you pulling away when you graduated, and even a little before that, while I was still in high school. We were just changing, and instead of changing together we drifted apart. But, that is okay.
Those memories, the good ones, are put in the background for me somehow. The bad memories stick out like sore thumbs, and I can recall them without any effort at all. You were always disappointed in me. You always had everything and nothing to say, but things never really changed in that aspect. But when it finally did, and it wasn't in my favor, that was okay too.
It won't ever be my place. I won't ever be who you want me to be, or be able to spew whatever garbage you want to hear from me. You'll get the truth from me, then complain that you don't like it. I'm done, and that's okay.
I never understood people when they said: "support them either way." I can't. I won't. Enabling you, like you enabled me does, does nothing but damage.
When I look at you now, I see a stranger. But at the same time, I also see someone who enabled me and accompanied through so many unnecessary traumas. I'll never be able to get over that, and that's okay.
Looking at you, I see my childhood (and you know mine fucking sucked). Many of our memories are tragic, traumatic really. We were there for each other during the storms, but now I look at you and only see storms that never calmed. I guess I could never look at you the same.
I was 14 then, but when trauma struck again you decided to leave. My life was "too much" for you but just think for a second about how I felt. I'm sorry that my circumstances were too much. But you left, and that's okay.
You can't say that it's fair to ask me to be there whenever you need because you weren't there for me. You weren't there until you decided to be, and that's not what friendship is. So our childhood friendship was built on sleepovers and enabling, but that's not okay anymore.
I wish you the best, always. I've moved on without you, and that's okay.
