Wow. If someone asked me what I thought my life would be like at this very moment, I never would have imagined my life the way it is now. So much has happened in just a few short years. Plans have been ruined, goals have been met, relationships have come and gone. In a way, I always knew everything I have been through was going to happen, but losing you was never something I imagined.
You were my best friends. People thought of us as a group. If one of us were going to be at a party or any event, the others were sure to follow. It was kinda like a package deal. We were loveable and fun. People enjoyed being around us, we reminded others what it was like to be true friends. I don't really think anyone thought we would ever go our separate ways.
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We all were like a family. We enjoyed being around each other, which is good because it seemed like we were never apart, but we got into fights too. It never really mattered because we were family and families fight, but at the end of the day, we loved each other. We all genuinely loved each other like a family. We each had our roles and we made it all work. We had planned our futures together and made promises we never intended to break. I'm not really sure how things fell apart.
I can't remember the exact time thing started to fall apart. I'm not sure who left first either. All I do remember is that our little family broke apart and people started to leave. Things got rough. One of us was going through too much for others to handle. So they left, but us five stuck together. We tried to work through things. We tried to hold each mother up, but one thing happened after another and our family got weak. The youngest, I don't blame her. She was presented with opportunities that could take her far. I'm proud of her. But everyone else, we should have fought harder and longer for the sake of our little family.
I wanted to say I'm sorry. Sorry for not fighting hard enough to keep us all together. I wish we could turn back time. Find the moment we let it all slip and fix it. Unfortunately, we lost grip of our family and I fear it can never be the same. We try reconnecting, we try to go back to the way things were, but we have all changed so much I hardly recognize any of you and I'm sorry. It's odd to think of you as the people I once told everything to when now I don't know if I can trust you. It not that I don't trust you to keep my secrets, but trust you to hold me up, to not let me fall and shatter. Can I trust you? Will you take my hand and help me back up?
Sometimes we only get a few true friends in life. I thought I had found the people I would spend the rest of my life. The people I would share an apartment with in NYC, but something happened to us. I wish I could tell you exactly what happened, but I can't. I wish I could make it all better. I always wish I can make things better, maybe that's why I got hurt the most.
You all left and are living your lives with new families and loving every minute of it. I got left behind. I tried to hold on too tight for too long, now I'm hurt. I always fixed our problems, that was my role. I made sure we all left knowing we were loved, so how did I get left as one with no one to love me? It was hard to come back from losing you all. I held everyone to such high expectations and they let me down. No one could live up to the friendship you all gave me. I tried to find a new family, but somehow no group of people could make me feel important. No group of people made me feel like I was here for a reason.
So, thank you. You gave me a sense of what family means. You gave me an idea of the type of people I want to be around. Thank you, for putting up with me for all those years. You all really helped me through the hardest times of my life. I hope one day we can all be together again. I hope we can meet back together in a small apartment building in New York City, just like we planned. I know I will be there, waiting for my family to come home.
The most important part of this is that I know, no matter how much time passes us, we will always love one another and I will always cherish the memories we created as a family.
