Friends Forever???

I once read that each person that enters our life has a purpose, a part of our story that we will attribute to them our whole lives. And though true, that is not to say that they will be our friends forever. Some people come into our lives to teach us something about ourselves; they may be a cautionary tale, or a vehicle of self-discovery. I have been blessed to have many types of friends, and in adulthood, to be able to recognize the ones that I should hold on to and the ones to let go of.

Friendship evolves as we evolve through life. When we are young, what we seek in our friendships is quite different to what we seek in adulthood. One of my oldest friends to this day was somebody I was forced to be friends with. My mother and her mother met as she and I took the entrance exam to enter first grade at parochial school. They both spoke Spanish, probably the only two parents there that did, it was, after all, the late 1970’s. They hit it off like gangbusters, sadly, that was not the case between we daughters. I was a lover of all things girly and frilly and Shirley Temple was my hero. She was soccer and Star Wars and pants, horrible, ugly pants! She was a tomboy, I was in training to become the wife of a nobleman (that never happened, BTW!). And yet, 38 years later, she is one of the people that I love and cherish most in my life. Don’t get me wrong, we are still polar opposites, but there is something that time fortified and cemented. It isn’t just loyalty, I don’t think that is enough. There are life experiences, genuine love, and unconditional acceptance that make certain bonds unbreakable.

On the other hand, I had a “friend” in middle and a short part of high school that was definitely put in my life to teach me something about myself. She lived in a better house than I did, wore better clothes than I did and had an amazing bedroom full of all the most beautiful things that you could imagine. She lived to make me feel like crap!

In retrospect, I was prettier, smarter and had a better personality but I also was way more insecure and that is what she preyed on. If I liked a boy, she would flirt with him, if I dated a boy, she found a way to date him if not by breaking us up, then by dating him immediately after, while I was still picking up the pieces of my broken heart. I look back and think “how was I friends with her?”

As an adult, I choose more carefully. I am more cautious about who enters my world. I have many acquaintances, some friends, and then I have those friends that will eulogize me the day I go. The friends that I will do just about anything for, that are more family than my own family. These are the people that, though not related to me, show up at my kid’s recitals. The ones that talk me off the ledge when I feel my life is falling apart. The ones that laugh with me, cry with me, celebrate and mourn with me.

I have become very “choosey” in the last few years of my life. I am not out to win a popularity contest, I am here to share my life with a few very genuine people and hope to leave them a little happier than before we met. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what friendship is truly about?