The holiday season can be a rough time for people who mainly see their immediate family. Don't get me wrong—I love my parents and siblings more than anything in the world. They are the people who know me the best and truly love me for who I am. But it's hard to see everyone on Snapchat and Facebook spending time with their huge families. The same goes for friends. You see everyone at home spending time at parties and hanging out while you lie in bed wondering where you went wrong.
Most of my life, I believed that the reason I was out of touch with so many family members and friends was my fault. I thought that I didn't text or call enough. That I didn't make enough effort. I figured that I should keep a "schedule" in my mind when it came to calling and communicating with friends and family. As I got older, I realized that love is a reciprocal thing.
Love is a two-way street that can be difficult to drive down, especially when you physically distance yourself from people. I felt like I was the one who was calling first or reaching out to make plans over break. But I realized that the distance was not all my fault. Why should I always have to reach out? Why can't they make an effort?
Life is busy and hectic; we can all understand that. Your family has work, kids and school, and your friends are busy too. Although, love doesn't define itself by time. You have the friendships that can snap back in the same place after months of not talking — it's just life that gets in the way. Sadly, there are family and friends where it's not like that. It's awkward tension because one of you knows you've failed the relationship. There's the disappointment from one party because there hasn't been the communication or effort.
I've realized that most of the time, I've been on the latter end. The disappointment where I want more communication, more effort, more love. It's important to realize that you cannot force love. As badly as you may want it to work, it won't sometimes. That's OK, though. You have to realize that relationships aren't always designed for forever. It won't always be your fault. This goes for everyone, family and friends.
It's hard to realize when it's time for your effort to stop. Especially when it comes to family. When they stop coming around, stop calling or just seem to cut ties forever because other family members are more important, that's OK, it's not your fault. You may feel like you're not good enough or not worthy of the love for some reason, but realize that you are. Realize that there are people around you who do love you and deem you worthy of love. Recognize the people who try to reach out and prioritize them firstly. Those are the people who love you the most.
So to my friends and family that I don't talk to enough, I'm sorry. If you feel like I'm at fault, let me know. Let's fix this because that love was once there. To the ones who have given up on me, I'm sorry, but I know that I'm worthy of a robust love that you cannot provide. Love is a two-way street.
