"Best Friends Forever" is a phrase that I am very hesitant to use because of my past and how it continues to unwillingly haunt me to this day.

Social media can be so wonderful for getting your name out and sharing how you feel and updating your friends on how delicious your new low-carb tacos taste, but it can be dark and ugly and I'm unfortunately all too familiar with that.

Most of my "best friends" from high school have blocked me on social media. I have had a tendency to play the victim in situations of distress and take my pain out the only way I know how, through my writing on social media. This could be articles of hate, or subtweets. I know these actions can be immature but it must also be a point of reference that I am not yet out of my teens so I deserve moments of regret still. However, I would never let that serve as a proper defense to justify my childish actions.

My heart aches for the forgiveness of my friends, the ones I hurt while I was hurting. I am filled with nothing but tragic thoughts when I think of what I have lost and I hope this letter finds them and serves as an apology.

Not a day goes by that my mind doesn't long for you back and that I don't hate myself for the selfish actions from my past. However, I don't want to win your friendship back thought guilt, I want to earn you back because you missed the person you knew I could be. The person I once was.

I am now timid to make new close friends because I know that awful feeling when you can't find the person you once could tell everything to anywhere in your life, even their records are deleted from your fingertips.

From best friends, to ex boyfriends, to parents, to mentors, I feel the weight of you pulling away strongly in my mind and it's destroying me slowly. Yet, I realize that I am the only one at fault. I pray you accept my apology, even if you still don't want me. An apology I still feel too much shame admitting to your face, maybe some day.