Step One: Always Call NYC "The Big City" or "The Big Apple"
Don't you want to blend in? Do as the Romans do by only referring to New York City as "The Big City" and within seconds, you will surely be surrounded by strangers on their knees, just begging to be your friend. I've seen this one happen a lot!
Step Two: Stay On The Subway All Day
Thousands of people use the subway everyday. This means that if you take a subway car and stay on it all day long, just staring blankly ahead unblinkingly or choosing to sit right next to someone when every other seat was free, you will literally have THOUSANDS of new friends by the end of the day. Pro Tip! People love it when you eat and breathe uncomfortably close to them in enclosed spaces.
Step Three: Spend A Lot of Time in Times Square
Truly the cream of the crop can be found in Times Square on any given day of the week. One of the Seven Wonders of the World, Times Square attracts a colorful crowd hailing from all over the world. You can even find nonhuman entities, like Spongebob and Spiderman, just waiting to take a picture with you. It's the Disney of The Big Apple, the place where all dreams come true.
Step Four: If You're A Student, Reply All To Every Email
Everyone knows and loves that one guy who replies all to mass emails! Want a quick way for your whole club/class/school to know your name? Just reply all to every message you get! Everyone will admire your moxie, and they'll think you're an edgy youth and you'll probably gain a huge Twitter following instantly.
Step Five: Be Loud
I think one of the best ways to blend in to life in The Big City is just to yell and scream a lot and very loudly, whether you're inside or outdoors, just be loud all the time. Pro Tip! Scream "I'm walkin' here!"in your worst and most stereotypical New York accent, and not only will you instantly make hundreds of friends, but you may also be approached by Lorne Michaels and be asked to perform on SNL because of your incredible wit and comedic talents.
Step Six: Invite Yourself
New York is the city that never sleeps. No one is going to slow down for you! No one will give you hand outs! WAKE UP, SON! This is the real world. Through my one year of college in New York, I've actually gradually noticed that if you can make it here, you can probably make it anywhere. So don't wait to be invited to things. Just show up. You see a tour group on the street? Just jump in. Are kids at your school going to a party that you weren't invited to? Covertly follow them there. Do this and you'll quickly make many beautiful memories that will last a lifetime.
Follow these steps and you'll never be alone again. You're welcome, and have fun with all your new pals!
