Dear Friend,
I love you so, so much. Over the last eight years, almost nine, we have been through so much together. We went to separate schools after only two years of friendship, but didn't let that stop us. We were in the same Girl Scout troop. You helped me survive my terrible ex-step-dad. We helped each other make it through struggles with anxiety and depression. We shared stories about our crushes, and spent hours coming up with plans for them together. We told each other all our secrets, and as we got older, they became bigger, but we handled everything together.
The one thing that will never cease to amaze me about you, is your unconditional love and support. No matter what I did or said, I knew I could come back to you. You listened to me when I needed you. You never judged me, not even when I told you things that some of my other friends - friends that were supposed to be "better friends" - did judge me for. I never have to worry about telling you anything, even though all I do is worry about telling other people.
Your recklessness has always been a problem. It's something that I, a "goody two-shoes" in your words, always found exciting about you. At home and in school, I strictly followed the rules. In our after school program, we ruled together, and we could do anything we wanted. I got a rush from misbehaving and breaking the rules with you, one that didn't go away on the occasions we were caught. In fourth grade, your recklessness was not asking your dad if you could do something, and not listening to teachers. Now your recklessness means unprotected sex and drugs, and meeting up in person with people you meet on the internet.
You mean so much to me. That's why it is tearing me apart to watch this self-destructive behavior and absolute disregard for consequences. I love you and I need you, but you do not seem to care that what you are participating in could potentially kill you.
I could list all of the potential consequences for your actions, but that wouldn't be productive. Instead, I want to tell you to think about reasons to get healthy again. You have your little sister who loves you more than you know. You've had some fights with your dad, but he loves you too. Your mom would miss you if you weren't around. I would miss you. Sam would miss you. Tony would miss you. All of the things you're doing are so dangerous and I'm incredibly grateful that nothing bad has happened yet. Also, you have to stay safe so that we can live in West Virginia and watch sunsets and get an apartment full of cats together!
I hope that you just don't understand why what you're doing is wrong. I hope that one day, you will wake up and stop doing what you are doing. Maybe you just don't see it from my side. From our conversations about it, I think you are very sad, and feeling very scared and alone. I think you fall for people too hard and too fast, and you're always the one who gets hurt in the end. I think you are impulsive and do things in the moment, not worrying about what will happen later. I think you want to find love, even though you're trying in all the wrong ways.
There are people who love you and want you to stay safe. I want to get help for you, but I don't know how to do it. I'm scared for you and your future because you don't seem to care about what could happen to you. You could get hurt, or get killed, and it feels like you don't know that sometimes. Everything keeps escalating so fast, and soon I will be living hours away and unable to help you as much. This scares me and I don't know what's going to happen.
I love you and I want you to be safe. Please try to understand, because I love you and miss you a lot. I just want you to think about what you're doing and the consequences it is taking on your physical, mental, and emotional health. At the end of the day, I can give you my opinion, but I can't stop you from doing the things I wish you wouldn't do, but I promise that I will always be here to love and support you unconditionally, as you have done for me.
Love, Emily
