During my sophomore year of high school, I was accepted into my schools adaptive P.E. program. Through this program, I was paired with, at the time, one of the most difficult students who had some behavioral issues. Her name is Violet. The Violet I know today was not the Violet I met two years ago. Violet is an individual who is very aware of her condition, which is Down syndrome; this caused a lot of self-esteem issues for her.

I joined the adaptive P.E. program because I knew I wanted to make a difference in people's lives, but I found myself very frustrated from the very beginning of my time in the class. Other leaders and peers viewed her as a lesser individual and that she wasn’t capable of the things they were. I watched people wonder why Violet disobeyed them and didn’t respect what they were saying, and that is because they did not understand her. Although I observed this right from the beginning of our friendship, I was not exactly sure what to do about it.

I thought I was supposed to be her leader; I thought my job was to tell her what to do and for her to listen to me. But in reality, that is not leadership. Leading does not mean to expect respect without earning it. This type of relationship would never be effective in improving her self-esteem and behavior. Slowly, I developed the idea that Violet she is not below me and I am not her gym leader, I’m her friend and her equal. This seems like a very easy task to accomplish, but I had no prior experience in a friendship like this, so I have no idea where to start.

For my first year being paired with Violet, I asked questions and had conversations about how she views herself, what she likes and her goals. I began to view Violet as a person. A person who loves to swim and dance, who loves math and wants to push herself to a level sometimes higher than she can handle. She was someone who set goals for herself and accomplished them, someone who told everyone she cares about how much she cares about them every day, someone who needed a friend. She went from Violet, my friend with special needs, to my friend, Violet.

I realized it was not Violet who was causing the problem but me and other individuals who failed to see her as a person who dehumanized her because of her condition. Going into my second year of working with her, I decided I had to change my approach on how I spoke to her, how I talked about her and how I thought about her, and how hard I was willing to work to earn her respect. I created a relationship with her out of class; we exchanged phone numbers and built a friendship where we talked about problems with each other, asked each other for help and spent time together just hanging out. I also realized I needed to change my approach with her in class as well as out of class, I got a lot of criticism for how hard I pushed Violet in class. I forced her to work every day to her maximum capability; there was not a day where I excused her unacceptable behavior, not because that’s what the school expected me to do in class, but because that is what I wanted for her in order for her to grow.

I wanted her to see herself as someone who was capable of running a mile by herself without having to hold my hand, as someone who could love herself without needing everyone around her to love her, as someone who could work and live a healthy and productive life, no matter where she was or what she was doing. A lot of people excused her behavior by saying, “Oh that’s how people with Down syndrome act,” or, “She’s different; that’s just how she is,” but her personality is different than her condition. Respect is not an ideal that changes when you have Down syndrome, Violet was capable of understanding respect; she chooses not to give respect to individuals who did not respect her.

One example of Violet's progress would be the first time we ran the mile at the start of our junior year. She cried the entire time and insisted on holding my hand. At the end of our senior year, she ran the mile and dropped five minutes off her time. She then chose to run the mile again completely alone for extra credit. Violet has not only gained confidence and love for herself, but we both gained a best friend.

Violet and I attended our school's social dance together as Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. We both attended prom together and spend a lot of our free time in each other's company, whether it be talking on FaceTime, texting or talking on the phone every day or hanging out and going swimming or doing crafts. She now views me as someone who is there to help her, but she knows she can help me. If I’m doing something wrong, she’s more than willing to correct me. If I see her saying or doing something I want her to stop saying or doing, I explain to her, as her friend, why I do not think what she is doing is beneficial to her — because how she behaves, in the long run, does not directly affect me. I will not be her employer or her spouse, but, as her friend, she knows I just want what is best for her, and she listens and respects what I say to her.

Knowing Violet has helped me to grown as a person. Violet taught me that Down syndrome is not a title, a definition or a barrier. A genetic disorder does not determine character, and once you see past the word, you allow yourself to see the beautiful, spunky, motivated person beneath it. Through Violet's and my friendship, it has helped her to embrace herself, to be passionate and to find hope for the future. Through her behavior and attitude improvements throughout the last year, she taught me about perseverance and strength. Violet was the first friend I had who showed me unconditional love and acceptance. She never asked me to change, in the same way that I never expected that from her. Getting to know Violet has shown me how important friendship is, and I hope to give to other individuals what she gave to me. Having a best friend who also has Down syndrome is the same as having a friend who does not have Down syndrome. The only thing that matters is love, respect and understanding from both parties involved. Having Violet as my best friend has been the greatest thing I gained through high school. There is not a single doubt in my mind she will be in my life until the day I die.