Dear friend, how is this any way to live your life? You’ve only seen one or two of the movies, and haven’t so much as lifted the cover to any of the books. Shame on you. Shame. On. You.

You don’t understand the significance of the page number 394. You couldn’t tell me which professor was a ghost. You have no idea who Peeves the Poltergeist was.

Chances are, you do know a few spells. The common ones, like Expelliarmus, Avada Kedavra, and the most popular one of all, Wingardium Leviosa. What you do not know, however, Is that George could never again produce a Patronus after Fred died.

You know about Dobby the house elf, although you mispronounce his name as “DOH-bee.” You know that Voldemort and Malfoy are bad guys, and that Hagrid is a huge, blubbering dude with a black beard. You do not, however, know that his mother was a giant and his father was a wizard. Hence, the reason for his size.

You weren’t there to see Hermione Granger go from a buck-toothed, bushy-haired nerd to an intelligent, beautiful woman. You weren’t there to say “ABOUT TIME!” when Ron kissed her and they finally got together.

It’s natural for me to make references to this magical story any time I see fit, and you never know what I'm talking about. I can quote Dumbledore all day and night, and you would have no clue. You also wouldn’t know that Dumbledore was 150 years old when he died.

When Alan Rickman died, you had to ask “Who is that?” to the dismay of fans everywhere. You didn't know how much Severus Snape loved Lily Potter, and how amazing an actor Rickman had to be to play his part. No other character displayed more hatred and love as Snape. You might have heard that he killed Dumbledore. Yes, he did. But he did so only because that was Dumbledore’s plan all along, to assure the next owner of the Elder Wand.

What is the Elder Wand? You know not, of course, that it is one of the three Deathly Hallows for which the seventh book is named. You, of course, have no idea what the other two Hallows are.

Something you have heard of, though, is the wizarding sport of Quidditch. It is played on broomsticks of course, and that is the extent of your knowledge. You have no clue that Viktor Krum caught the snitch in the 422nd World Cup, but Ireland still won the game (very rare, since the Snitch is worth 150 points, and the team who catches it nearly always wins).

You have no idea what a boggart is. Or what a thestral is. You might know what a hippogriff is, but that’s even a long shot.

You missed out. I feel sad for you, because something I grew up with and know like the back of my hand, you know nothing about. And I feel sad for myself, because all of my brilliant knowledge is wasted on you.

So next time I say, “I wish I could have a pet Pygmy Puff,” just smile, agree, and go pick up "The Sorcerer’s Stone," and start the journey. Seriously.