Hello, everyone. This is my first blog as a writer for Odyssey Online. So for those who are reading my blog for the first time, you have a lot of history to read. Which you can visit at the link below. For the rest, you know what's about to come. A recap of my week. Enjoy.
It's that time of the year again in Texas. Time for the Texas State Fair. Now I've only lived in Dallas for two years, but I still have never been to this three-week long event. And I've been dying to go. I love rides and funnel cakes. This was the perfect opportunity to mix them both. A couple of my guy friends and I meet up and ride together to the state famous fair. We end up attending on the last day of the fair, which happens to be October 23, 2016. I remember this date because it was the premier of "Walking Dead," my second favorite TV show. This fair better be good since I'm missing this. So we park, walk what seems like a mile, then finally enter the main gates. I have never seen anything like this. Fried pizza. Fried beer. Car shows. Big Tex, which is a giant sized cowboy. Rides. Kids screaming for a stuffed Pikachu. I am in awe at my surroundings.
"Let's get on that!" I say as I point to some type of ride that is moving in orbital upside down motions.
"No," both of the guys instantly say. Little did I know that neither of my friends would ride rides. Great.
However, after a beer, and yes, this fair sells beer, I convince them to ride a ride that spins at the same speed, but it just doesn't go upside down like the first one I pointed to. We wait in line, give the attendant 12 tickets each and hop on.
I have never laughed so hard my entire life. Sadly that was the only ride we rode all day. The fair for us consisted of consuming our body weight in fried food. And this is when the day turns sour. I am embarrassed as I type this, but I am going to let you guys know what I ate. A fried slice of pizza. I would give it a 6 out of 10. I then had a fried mac 'n cheese square. That, I would give a 4. I then tried tornado chips which were spiral-shaped chips with cheese and bacon. Those received another score of a 6. I then nibbled on some funnel cake fries. I'm sure you're wondering, "Hmmm, she must be parched at this point, because that's a lot of fried food." And you're right. It was. But don't worry. Throughout my five hours at the fair I consumed five beers as well. It's now 8:36 p.m. and we're walking out. I've missed the "Walking Dead" premiere episode, I can barely walk, and I have heartburn from hell. We make it back to the car and the first thing I do is unbutton my pants. I have a dunlap. My stomach has done lapped over my jeans. And I don't care. I'm bloated and I've missed my favorite show. Well, second favorite. I look up on my phone when it replays again, but little did I know that I would miss the rerun as well.
"Let's get a drink," I say to the guys. We've made it back to the restaurant where we've all parked. Now after consuming enough fried foods to have a full body aneurism you would think that I would just stop and go to bed. Nope, I decide to add another beer to that. And not only did I add beer, but I also decided to eat a Fiesta Lime chicken entrée. I have lost my mind. We sit for an hour at the restaurant when I swear my body is shutting down.
"Alright, guys, I've gotta go. I'm exhausted, and I work tomorrow," I tell them. So we all pay our checks and head out.
I finally make it home by midnight-ish. Now, my apartment community has limited parking. It's a free for all. So you can park in any uncovered spot as long as it's open. With it being midnight I just knew I wasn't going to find close parking. I circle around the lot closest to my building.
"Yes!" I scream as Lil Scrappy screams, "Crime Mob, hoe!" from my speakers. I have found a parking spot. As I turn left to pull into it, I immediately have to throw on my breaks. There is a motorcycle there. Not only is a motorcycle taking a full-sized vehicle's place, but it's also parked parallel and all the way forward in the parking spot. In this position, it appeared that the spot was open. Now I'm just pissed. Well I've seen other cars park in this spot even though a motorcycle is there. They just can't pull all the way forward. It's midnight, I'm gassy, I don't care. I'm going to park here. I start inching forward and get as close to the motorcycle as I can.
ERRRRRRR. ERRRRRRR. ERRRRRR.
I look in my mirror and some psychopath is honking at me.
"Yes?" I say once I roll down my window.
"I wish a hata would get crunk up on this crime mob crew," is emitting from my car.
"Um, that's my motorcycle," the driver says.
"Oh, that's nice," I reply.
"Well, you can't park there. Because that's my motorcycle," he tells me.
"And why can't I?" I reply right back.
"Because how am I going to get it out if I want to drive it?" he asks.
"Oh that's simple, move it forward so it's not consuming a parking spot that a car needs, and I'll leave in the morning for work, and then you can reverse it right back out," I tell him.
"Well what if I want to leave now on my motorcycle?" he asks.
Now, I'm getting pissed. I've missed Walking Dead. My stomach has dunlapped four times. And now I'm playing 21 questions with a psychopath at midnight. All while Knuck if You Buck is blaring from my car. He drives a Volkswagen. I know he isn't going anywhere on a motorcycle at midnight.
"Well, what time are you leaving in the morning?" I ask him.
Then I hear his girlfriend yell back, "It doesn't matter! You can't park there!"
I know this girl isn't yelling at me through her boyfriend's window.
"So you're telling me, you're going to park your car here but I can't?" I say back. "Well, I'll be calling the office in the morning to see about that," I tell them both.
"Do you need the number?" he retorts.
All I need at this point is a Tums.
"OOOOH, NO, I have it, thanks! Do you?!" was my response. Really, Lisa. That was the best comeback you had? Of all the roasts I've ever said, this was all I could manage to say. That's like saying, "I know are, but what am I?" to a mean neighbor kid whenever he makes fun of your under bite that you can't help. Yes, I had an under bite.
I speed off and park almost near the dumpster of my complex. I have to rebutton my pants and walk forever to my doorstep. I'm back in the close parking lot, and I begin taking pictures of the infamous motorcycle and the car. I'm so pissed because he intentionally parks his motorcycle there so that he is guaranteed a close spot for his car day and night. If I had the strength in me, I would've picked up his motorcycle Hulk style and thrown it over the fence. But snitching to my apartment complex was the best I could manage. I run upstairs, and a shit show ensues. Find out what, later this week, in my next blog!
