Here it is, ladies and gentlemen: Homecoming 2015, aka Pomping Season. All of the sophomores are massaging their fingers while they experience slight PTSD just hearing the word. While the physical act of folding micro-pomp was easily one of my top 10 worst experiences of my life, I think the pomping partner concept might take the cake.
Here's my guide on how to have a successful experience with your pomping partner this year. Happy pomping!
1. Immediately send him a friend request and write, “Hey Pomping Partner :-D,” on his wall.
He won't think this is creepy at all, I promise.
2. Blow up his Facebook messenger with stickers to show how excited you are.
Everyone loves a good sticker and he'll definitely appreciate all 42 stickers of dogs with sunglasses on and dancing stick figures.
3. Show up to the first pomping party with matching hats for you guys to wear so you don’t lose track of each other.
4. Get entirely too “hydrated” at the first pomping party and throw up on his shoes.
It happens to the best of us. Maybe he'll think it's cute. Yeah, that's right. He'll think it's cute.
5. Spend the next two months apologizing for said vomiting.
6. Offer to massage his fingers when you’ve been micro-pomping for four hours and counting and they start to cramp up.
This is totally normal and not at all creepy or concerning.
7. Ask him to return the favor when your fingers cramp up.
8. Post an Instagram of the two of you with an aggressive paragraph about how fun being his pomping partner has been.
No really, having a 1,000 word essay as your caption is completely appropriate and 100 percent necessary.
9. Sneakily try to hold his hand when your float goes by.
He will more than likely think this is a genuinely sweet gesture and welcome it by not sprinting away when he feels your warm hand touching his.
10. Never speak to him again.
It was fun while it lasted. You two will always have pomping season. Best of luck to the both of you trying to avoid eye contact when you see each other on campus in the Spring.
