As my freshman year of college comes to a close in just a couple weeks, I’m partially confused as to where the time went. However, at the same time, all the other part of me can think is this has debatable been the longest eight or so months of my life. I'm really just confused as to how I feel like I'm twelve years old, but am about to finish my first year of college.

My freshman year went about zero percent like I had expected it would. About three days after an exciting move in day, I realized I was in over my head. I guess at that point I could have left and tried again the following year, but I was convinced on telling myself I was ready and that I was already in too deep. Well, I was wrong. If there was any moment I should’ve left it was then, before classes had even started and before I was studying for three exams at once while also forgetting to eat three meals a day.

I honestly don’t even remember what I had expected college to be like, but whatever my expectations were was not what I got this year. Freshman year was probably the most stressful year of my life and also definitely in the running for worst year of my life. There were several times when I contemplated dropping out, but every time my mom would ask me, “Well what will you do if you don’t go back?” Every single time I didn’t have a valid answer to that question so I stayed. And somehow I stayed long enough for it to be May and for there to be less than two more weeks of my freshman year.

Every time I said that I wanted to come home my mom thought I hated my school and my classes. And honestly, I didn’t. The University of Delaware is beautiful and apart from the sometimes questionable dining halls, I actually really do like it here. Instead of wanting to come home because I hated my school, it was more like I’d been running the marathon that is freshman year and I just really needed a break. Winter break was great until I realized I had to go back for 12 more weeks and start all over again in new classes. Pretty sure I was about a thousand times more upset leaving for college the second time than the first because this time all my nice happy 17 year old expectations of the perfect freshman year were gone. It got to a point in the year where it felt like I really wasn’t even making my own decisions in my life but instead things were just kind of happening to me.

There’s really no way to prepare yourself for college once you’re already there. I’m not sure if there is even a way to prepare yourself for college at all. Your freshman year of college will probably not go as expected, but hopefully it goes better than expected as opposed to worse.