Dear Frosh,
You may think you picked the wrong school. You may think you don’t fit in here. You may start the application process to transfer. You may think you’re the only one feeling this way. I’m here to tell you aren’t the first or the last to feel or think all or any of these things.
College really has been some of the best years of my life, but I wouldn’t say it’s “the best four years” of my life like everyone told me it’d be. Coming into college, that’s all I expected: nothing but pure epic-ness. This was because during every college visit I ever went on, the only thing the tour guides told us was how much they LOVED everything about college. So when I wasn’t experiencing that epic adventure they all talked about, I thought something was wrong with me. What I found out later was that the things I was feeling and thinking were the same as most of my classmates, but no one talked about it until some of us returned sophomore year.
Here is the reality of your first year at college.
For most of you, this is your first time being so far from home. So far away from your parents, your best friends, and the simple comfort of your own home. It’s overwhelming and slightly terrifying. Every routine you had, everyone you could run to if you needed something, and every thing that made you feel better about life in general was no longer as easily accessible anymore. That’s a huge adjustment. It’s a culture shock. It feels like you’ve been thrown in the middle of the ocean with a small life preserve and asked to make it back safely to shore without being eaten by a shark. For me personally, I can’t swim the greatest and this seems like a nearly impossible task, but there are ways it can be done.
Some tips to help you get through this short rough patch.
1. If your grades are taking a nose-dive off a cliff
For me, high school was a cakewalk. Most of my friends felt the same. I didn’t ever really have to study much except for 10 minutes before the exam. I found out real quick, that’s not how college works. Grades can get really bad really fast here. That is really problematic, and stressful for someone that is used to getting A’s. You hear it all the time, but going into your professors can really make a difference. It shows them you care about your education and aren’t just another kid looking for a place to party. If you think there’s no way to come out of the hole you’re currently in, I promise you, speaking from experience, no hole is too deep. Asking for help when you need it, is a major key!
2. If your professor is horrid
Most professors understand the difficulties first years have when adjusting to their new temporary home, but some, simply don’t care. If you’re making every extra effort you can think of and your professor is still making it their goal to make you feel as though you aren’t good enough, talk to a faculty member you can trust. They usually know the history of that professor and if this is common with them. It’s always nice to know you aren’t the only one that’s been victimized by that specific professor. Also that faculty member will usually be able to give you good advice on how to get through the rest of the year with them. It will be rough, but it will feel like you won the lottery when it’s over.
3. If your roommate shares personality traits with a number of villains from childhood movies and books
RAs can be your best friend in this situation. They are usually trained pretty well with how to handle these types of things or to give you steps on how to address a situation. If you have done all you can on your end, it’s okay to make a room change if that’s available. It’s not taking a loss; it’s doing what is best for you. If it’s not available, find a friend that okay with you living on their futon. I was lucky enough to have two awesome friends take me in for my first four months of college because all of my friends lived on a different floor, my roommates weren’t the nicest, and because they didn’t want me to be homeless. I will forever be thankful for them.
4. If you’ve noticed your friend group has turned into the script for a third Mean Girls movie
College is kind of weird because in high school you’ve got your crew that knows every little thing about you and in college you’re supposed to find a new one. No one knows who you are, so you’re able to start with a blank slate. The search is tricky because no one goes into a friendship sharing or exposing all of their little quirks and things that make them unique, but eventually they come to the surface. Some click as friends and others realize they clash too much. It’s okay to admit it’s not working with your friend group. It may at first cause some hard feelings, but in college most people grow up and realize there are more important things and you’re able to be acquaintances with them. You’ll always share the fact that you were each other’s first friends at college, but in the long run you’ll respect one another for realizing, before it’s too late, you aren’t meant to be best friends.
5. If missing home has become all you think about
It’s extremely normal and if you’re experiencing any or all of the above, home is the only place you think can help you escape the misery. Keeping yourself busy can help lessen the need to go home. Staying surrounded by good company and fun activities can be a great distraction. Get involved in clubs, sports or organizations. Find out what your school has to offer. Clubs, sports, and organizations can help with making friends that share similar interests who can become your support system, they are a résumé builder for when you’re trying to figure out how to make yourself somewhat appealing to employers, and when you are in a school affiliated club, sport or organization, it gives you some ownership of your school, you’re part of something that impacts your school in a positive way.
Some words of advice
If freshman year is rough, that’s expected and extremely common. Don’t feel bad for the things or ways you’re feeling. Before you decide to transfer or make that change, try to think of all the reasons why you wanted to attend that school in the first place. If those reasons are good ones and you think are still someone attainable, try to stay one more semester. Sophomore year is completely different from your first. When I returned sophomore year, it was because my parents made me promise them one more semester before I transferred. I am now approaching the end of my 7th semester at the same college I started at and I’m extremely sad I’ll be leaving this beautiful place soon.
Sincerely,
The kid that hated 90% of freshman year
