College is a confusing time, obviously. Going off to a new place, with all new people, and hard classes is not easy to handle. Freshman year I was terrified. I had never been away from home for more than a week, and I had had the same friends since 5th grade — not to mention the fact that I am one of the most introverted people on the planet, so socializing is not my forte. But coming to college, I pushed myself to put myself out there. To my surprise, within three days, I had a squad that did everything together.

It was a dream come true. This seemed to be a standard at college. By the end of orientation, everyone has found people whom they love being around, who they can endure the struggles of freshman year with. We were all in a honeymoon phase of friendship. But it didn’t last.

As first semester continued, we got busier and busier, but we all managed to find the time to eat and study together. We would take over empty rooms in the University Center and order a ton of Chinese food and have a study party. We organized a secret Santa and blasted Christmas music while exchanging gifts. But then rush came around… and we spent more time with our respective sorority/fraternity rather than with one another. Even though we were still friends, things changed.

Greek life, in a way, drove a wedge into our group. Even though none of us cared about the social hierarchy, those not in Greek life felt left out, and those in higher “ranked” chapters spent more time with other high ranked chapters. We began to lose touch, seeing each other less and less.

But it wasn’t just Greek life that caused us to lose touch. We started developing problems. One person would be annoyed by another, and while we would try to remain neutral, we could tell everyone had an opinion. Then roommates broke up, people got into relationships, and people distanced themselves. Before we knew it, we were splitting up.

This was the hardest time in my life. I had not made close friendships in my sorority, and now I was losing my best friends. It left me feeling completely alone and vulnerable. People began to notice too. They would ask me “where is ___? Aren’t you joined at the hip?”

All I could do was shrug. I didn’t know what to do. It seemed to me that everyone else had maintained their friendships, or found new best friends in the Greek chapters. I was left behind, lost in the memory of those Chinese food study parties.

I was terrified to come back to school this year. I didn’t want to leave my high school friends and go back to being alone. But I came back. I did my best to penetrate other groups, make new friends, and I made some good connections, but it isn’t the same. Sometimes I wonder if I still fit in at Lehigh. But life isn’t how we imagine it. I dreamed about creating lifelong friendships with my freshman besties, but even though that didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean I can’t create lifelong friends this year, or next year. I will treasure the friendships that I do have, and make the most of my time in college.