From the time I was about 6, I dreamed of the day I would go to a big university, get a degree, and more. Big ambition for such a young age, but I've always been studious. That's why at age 18, me being at an actual big university is a little shocking to me.
No. 2 in a series of, who knows how many?
Yes, I know I said that I wanted to go to a big university, and University of Kentucky is exactly that, but no one can truly prepare you for life after high school. Now, I don't consider myself to be a part of the real world yet, I've yet to intern, or work anywhere besides restaurants, but I definitely consider the transition from high school to college to be, to put it lightly, strange. I've been at UK for about two weeks now, and already I can feel the shift of my personality. It comes a lot from my freedom here. Yes, I have classes, and my M/W schedules are relentless but it's in-between those times when i'm starting to forge my own path.
In high school I would say I was a leader, I was out going, but it all came from insecurity. I had to find something to cling to to make myself stay afloat in stressful times. In the two weeks I've been at UK, I've discovered a lot about myself in my freedom. The best I've found is confidence. In my freedom here at UK, I joined Alpha Omicron Pi, and though this is only the beginning I know AOII will take me to great places. In my freedom, I've found my friends, who though I say multiple times a day "oh my god, please never say that again," I couldn't imagine my days without their endless jokes. Even if said jokes are cringe worthy. In my freedom, I've realized literally nothing could've prepared me for all the time I would have to sit and think. High school was always nonstop, gotta be doing something. While here, I have time to relax, to analyze, to ponder. It has made a huge difference in my perception of not only myself, but the people and world around me. Not only is my freedom physical, it is mental, it is spiritual. At University Kentucky every ounce of you will be challenged. I know that and I've only been here two weeks. I can only imagine what is to come.
In the last week I've had to make some difficult choices, but as my dear friend always says "you can't light yourself on fire to keep others warm," and he's not wrong. That's where my mental freedom has come from. I stopped caring so much about how the actions that dictated my happiness would affect other people. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I'm going to purposefully hurt people. But I realize now, I can't make myself suffer at the expense of others happiness. Because at the end of the day, though I'm happy they're happy, what matters is if I'm happy. If there's anything I've learned over the last two weeks from my peers at UK is that people are inherently good, and that seems to be our downfall. I'm not the only one in my social group doing this. Discussion over being able to find ourselves while here at UK has been the main connection I have with people. They tell me about all the years they spent not caring about themselves, and I realize they shared that with me, for me to learn.
I know it's only been almost three weeks of me being a college student. But i'm grateful college has already put me to the test, not only in an academic setting, but socially, and emotionally. I was quite sure I could handle all these changes, but like my friend always says, college taught me if i kept lighting myself on fire to keep others warm, there wouldn't be much left of me to give. I realize now, I can't give 100 percent of myself, if i'm not working to be the best me there is.
