This week, I dove pretty deep into the mind (and the Internet) and came across something pretty phenomenal, literally. Have you ever been in a high place, and when you get close to the edge, wonder what would happen if you just simply jumped? It’s a scary thought, yes, and unbeknownst to me, this phenomenal feeling has a name. Called the HPP, or “High Place Phenomenon,” the study that scientists did indicated that the presence of this phenomenon did not directly correlate with suicidal thoughts and behavior. The French term for this is “L’appel du vide,” meaning “the call of the void.”

As a person who experiences this phenomenon, I can speak from experience that this can be a somewhat paralyzing emotion. It’s a worst-case-scenario type of thinking that is not intentional, it just sneaks into your stream of consciousness for a split second and then images start flashing into your head. This all takes place in a matter of seconds, and usually only happens the first few seconds when I’m in a high place. But this week, I decided to do some free verse poetry to try to illustrate the emotional roller coaster the High Place Phenomenon takes one on. I hope you enjoy, and are opened up to a whole new realm of thinking.

Picture this:

You’re driving at night,

backroads,

no cars,

radio silenced.

Then a car finally passes

and for a split second

your brain entertains the thought,

“What if I swerved into that car?”

or even

“What if I just swerved off the road?

It’s so easy to just turn the wheel

and go."

Picture this:

You’re standing on a skyscraper,

observation deck,

peering over the edge,

a long way down.

Then you put your hands on the railing

and for a split second

your brain entertains the thought,

“What if I fell over the railing?”

or even

“What if I just jumped right over?

It’s so easy to hoist myself over

and go."

If you have ever thought these things,

even if for just a fleeting moment,

you are not alone.

You are not suicidal,

you are not depressed-

you are probably normal.

Normal?

No, no way that’s normal.

Who thinks in worst-case-scenarios?

You may have never even thought this phenomenon had a name

or only existed in your mind.

The world of the mind

is a scary maze

full of twists and turns

that weren’t there just a second ago.

You turn your head and the maze changes.

One thought one moment,

a different the next.

I suppress the worst

in favor of the better,

and push aside the images that flash to the forefront.

Falling.

Falling.

falling.

No, get out of my head,

I’ll never jump

or swerve.

Stay the course.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

Why did I even think of that?

I shake myself back to reality

with my feet firmly planted on the ground

500 feet above the ground.

My mind races to it’s next adventure,

as my body shakes from the living nightmare

my mind has shown me.