First and foremost, I would like to declare myself an un-ironic and unapologetic fan of 80s pop music. The Wham shorts, the crazy outfits, the simple yet oh-so catchy choruses, I love it all. 80s pop is so animated and full of spirit, even if it is all an act. When you hear “Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, it’s hard not to at least bob your head and want to get up and dace.

That being said, no matter how danceable and joyful 80s music is, it’s hard to ignore the superficiality and consumer culture it came out of. When I think of the 80s, I think of ridiculous hair and neon colored clothes. It’s all about the image, and the music comes secondary. With the advent of MTV in 1981, the artist’s image became crucial, and a song was only as good as the video that promoted it. What songs lacked in originality, they could make up in flashy videos, especially controversial ones like the three videos for “Relax.” It was the decade of Madonna’s ever-changing looks, Michael Jackson’s white gloves, and one hit wonders. Heck, even the rock groups like Poison and Guns N’ Roses weren’t immune to it, the “hair bands” who sported signature looks and glammed up their videos with beautiful women. Basically, combine some fluffed up lyrics with a catchy synth beat and sell it with an eye-catching video, and you have a successful 80s hit.

From its production to promotion, “Relax” was carefully constructed to become a #1 hit. It was re-recorded four times because producer Trevor Horn absolutely needed it to be a hit, even bringing in outside musicians to play instruments and chopping up the song into tiny mechanical pieces that all needed to sound just right. It’s a far cry from the organic studio session where bands bang out raw and soulful music together, but it got the job done. In the end, only the lead singer made the final cut, but what the song lacked in musical contribution, it made up in sales. After its release in 1983, it eventually rose to #1 in the UK, and it made #10 in the US. Its ban by the BBC only made it more popular, and the band members’ public denials about the sexual connotation of the lyrics only further stirred the pot. They claimed the song was about motivation, but with lyrics like “When you want to suck, do it / When you want to come,” come on.

The videos, especially the uncensored version, don’t hold back either. Set in a gay bar, it leaves nothing to the imagination, beginning with licking bananas and ending with simulating sex motions. I’m no stranger to the music videos of today, so I think I've become pretty habituated to indecency, but when the Roman emperor ripped off his toga and the band was sprayed by a hose in the next shot (you get the picture), even my jaw dropped. Indecent is the only word that comes to mind, but the controversy only made it more popular. The AIDS epidemic made the homoerotic subtext even more shocking, and more exciting. Part of an album called “Welcome to Pleasuredom,” “Relax” glorified indulgence, both sexually and economically. There’s nothing wrong with expressing sexuality in a piece of art, but it was all sensationalized, turning gay culture and sexuality into a commodity.

When you create a song specifically to become a hit and it’s successful, it’s hard not to try to recreate the same thing that worked before. Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s next single, “Two Tribes,” was another #1 hit in 1984, but it’s not nearly as memorable as “Relax.” Sensationalizing politics this time instead of sexuality, the lyrics allude to nuclear war and include numerous references to Reagan and the Soviets. The Cold War was an unavoidable topic at that point, and Frankie Goes to Hollywood took the marketing bait. The video depicts the band in both American and Soviet army uniforms, so it seems they went for the shock-factor approach again. The video stages a violent wrestling match between President Reagan and Soviet leader Konstantin Cherneko, and if someone made a video with prominent political leaders in such a controversial way today, it would without a doubt be considered a radical political statement. But what did “Two Tribes” do? It could have been a message about the ridiculousness of the Cold War and unnecessary violence, just like Bob Dylan’s protest songs of the 60s or the Dixie Chicks’s “Not Ready To Make Nice.” But it wasn’t. Instead, it was made into multiple remixes to sell as many records as possible, and just like “Relax,” the video played on shock value and indulgence. It turned the very real political climate into an entertainment show as fake as wrestling. They used the same promotional techniques, but maybe if they sold “One Is All That You Can Score” shirts, more people would have remembered it.

But can you blame them? They were living in a world where the president lagged his feet when thousands of people were dying of AIDS and deregulated the economy. With the deregulation of the banks, they lent out money like crazy, expecting people could somehow pay them back. Banks were on the brink of failing, but people kept maxing out their credit cards buying “Frankie Says Relax” t-shirts and whatever else MTV told them they needed. It was an age of indulgence and immediate gratifications, and although the world was in a state of political unrest, people in “Frankie Says Relax” t-shirts danced next to people in “Choose Life” t-shirts with fingers in their ears.

Nevertheless, in spite of everything, I still love 80s pop. Maybe it’s because our generation has become pretty superficial too, whether we want to admit it or not. Synthesizers have been replaced by auto-tune, but the choruses are still simple enough to memorize after one listen. Like “Relax,” most pop songs of today are carefully crafted by big producers to become Top 40s hits. But instead of “Frankie Says Relax” t-shirts, artists are selling clothing lines at Kohl’s and signature perfumes. I know it’s not the most artistically authentic music in the world, and I know I’m only buying into the product they’re selling, but I do still think there’s something great, and even valuable, about this music. Maybe it’s the escapism, because sometimes people need to blissfully forget about all the terrible things in the world. Or maybe it is just that catchy.