Happy 2018! I hope your holidays were safe and fun, and I hope you had little-to-no experiences with fragile masculinity. I, however, was not so lucky. Here are my thoughts on an encounter that I had with fragile masculinity, and ways that I think it can be dealt with.
I won't say names or point fingers, but while I was celebrating New Year's Eve with friends and family, my female friend, let's call her Ashley, and I were interrupted by a male friend, we can call him Greg, who felt uncomfortable around our topic.
Ashley was telling me that she had recently lost weight and therefore did not know her clothing measurements, specifically her bra size. This lead to us talking about sports bras and how mine is kind of small on me and hers is too big, so maybe we could trade. Greg, who was quiet until this point, said: "you know, there's a man in the room." I replied with "cool" and I kept speaking to Ashley about bras and other clothes.
Now, there are a lot of other things I wanted to say to Greg, but those things might have ruined the mood of the celebration. I do wish I had asked him why his masculinity was so fragile that it was wounded by bras, but all I could think of was using sarcasm. Why on Earth would two women alter their conversation to suit a man?
Some of you might wonder what the dangers of entitlement and fragile masculinity are. For one, women are just as independent and strong as men, so why should there be differential treatment? When men see themselves as more important, even subconsciously, they send those messages to those around them, which leads to MORE men being misogynistic.
Sometimes, young boys learn to treat their female counterparts unequally, or they bully boys who are kind and sympathetic (which are, for some reason, feminine characteristics).
If the tables had turned and I was listening to a conversation between two guys and I told them that because I was present they needed to change their conversation, they would laugh at me, say something about "locker room talk," maybe make a comment about how I'm "out of line," and go on talking. Why is that okay? One way to solve this problem is to call people out when they are being misogynistic, especially when they don't realize they are.
Underlying misogyny is worse because it means that an individual does not recognize the issue. I understand that everyone was raised differently, so maybe you tend to favor men over women in some aspects. That is not an excuse. You need to educate yourself and listen to people who call you out.
Another thing we should do is raise our children so that they know that women and men are equal. Whether that means treating your son and daughter the same way or being an example for your kids of how respectful adults interact, it needs to happen in more households. Let's make 2018 the year of equality in all aspects.
