College has been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences that for the most part have exceeded my expectations. However, nobody warns you about the second year of college and the changes that come with it. In various lectures for my classes, I heard horror stories about how some of the people were close to their roommates and then their second year of college they all drifted apart. I am currently sitting on my bed in my new dorm room still trying to figure out how I ended up here. My biggest fear going into college was that I would not have anyone to talk to or share various college experiences with. I feel lucky to have had such a wonderful group of friends to surround myself with my first year away from home. It makes it difficult to comprehend how now I am staring from scratch. It is hard not to feel isolated after having people around to talk to, or if you were not talking just having someone's presence there, but I think this isolation has been a good thing for numerous reasons.

1. Self Reflection

It is easy to sit and feel sorry for yourself and the situation that you are in. I know that I spent a lot of my time focusing on what I should and should not have done. I think about what I wish my friends would have done and how I wish I could have made them understand where I was coming from, but at some point enough is enough. It is easy to spend your time making other people happy. I feel like we all do it and just are not aware of how far we are willing to go to make other people happy. Now that I do not have friends to hangout with, I have to shift my focus on what I love and what makes me happy, and make sure I do whatever that is as much as possible.

2. Travel

One of the greatest ways that I was able to escape the craziness of this year was traveling to New Zealand over winter break. There is something liberating about being some place new, surrounded by gorgeous views, and (my favorite) not having international phone data which meant not receiving any text messages for over two weeks. While I was hiking and exploring New Zealand I would often think to myself how incredibly lucky I was to be there. In those moments it did not matter what was going on back at school, the only thing that mattered was that I was in a beautiful place doing what I love. I will admit the thought of having to leave a place that made me feel so good after being miserable for the past couple months terrified me. I promised myself that I would find something back at school, a club or a new hiking spot that would leave me with the same feeling of gratitude and joy that I felt when I was exploring around New Zealand.

3. Family Is Everything

I never realized how much my family meant to me until this year. For a while, they were unaware of the situation with my friends and I, but when I could no longer hold it in anymore they were there for me. My mom and dad called me almost everyday to see how I was doing, were supportive of my decision to move into a new dorm and face-timed me multiple times to make sure I settled in. My sisters let me sleep on their couch for a few days before I could move into my new room,and helped me move my stuff out of my old dorm and into my new one without hesitation. Not to mention they were the shoulder I could literally cry on at times, and always willing to offer words of wisdom and laughter. I am extremely grateful that they have not thrown in my face how I chose to live in the dorms for one more year with my friends instead of living with them, and how they warned me to not get so attached to people because it will hurt ten times more when something happens. I regret not listening to them because if I had I would most likely not be in the position that I am in now. Most of all, I regret not visiting home as often as I should have last year, because the people I chose to stay and hangout with are no longer in my life anymore. It is easy to overlook everything your family does for you, but when the chips are down family is forever and they are always there for you.

4. Keep Busy

One of the greatest things that happened to me was my job working at an elementary school. It was the only thing that kept me sane and I never knew how much it meant to me until my first day back from winter break. The second I walked into work I heard a kids screaming "Miss Kat! Miss Kat" and they all ran and gave me huge hugs.I had felt like the world was stacked up against me until that point and I am beyond grateful that they missed me just as much as I missed them. I made sure to schedule myself to work everyday this semester so I could keep myself preoccupied. I feel like whenever you give yourself too much time to sit around, that is when you start to think about everything that makes you unhappy. However, since I am busy with classes and then work right after, I value the small things like the rare occasion I have time to get a warm cup of coffee before class, or being able to watch Netflix since it is only the first week back and the real work has not begun yet.

5. It will be Okay

While I still feel sad at times, I have reached a point where I know it will be okay. I know that everything happens for a reason and I will always be grateful for the friends that I had last year. They brought me out of my shell and made me feel accepted. I always say that in a way I am grateful that this happened my sophomore year of college and not my freshman year because I would have left the school if it was my first year. Don't get me wrong, I thought about leaving this year, but I realized that running away from the problem does not solve it. I would not have been running away because I did not like the school anymore, I would have been running away because I was scared to be completely on my own. It is weird to think that the greatest part of my freshman year of college was meeting all of my friends and hanging out with them, but I never really experienced anything for myself. I did not sign up for any clubs or go on any other backpacking trips. I think we are all naive and do not think about the possibility of the people we love to be around not being there for us anymore. The greatest possible outcome of this was the realization that you can not rely on other people to make you happy. It is a tough pill to swallow, but ultimately it is something that everyone needs to realize at some point in their life.