When you lose a loved one, someone who was there from day one, it changes you. I remember the day as clear as a crystal ball. This past November, my grandfather passed away, a day after I came back from Thanksgiving break. I was just getting ready to begin my final projects, a stressed college student, when it all changed.
When I made the call to my parents, I was not expecting the words that came across the phone. I was not prepared to crash to my dorm floor, in to my roommates' arms, feeling lost. I was not prepared to have my boyfriend drive me home, saying "It's all going to be okay," as I sat in the car. full of silence. I was not prepared for the rush of frustration, sadness, or heartbreak to hit me. But life does not care if you are prepared or not. Life does not care if you are a busy college student, working parents of two, a newly hired employee. Life happens when it wants to, no matter the circumstances.
Here are some things I learned when I lost my grandfather:
1. It's okay not to be okay.
I wasn't okay when it happened. I was lost, scared, simply frustrated. I still am not 100% okay with it, but that is totally okay. Losing my grandfather was something that made me appreciate the time he was there, even more. It is okay to have hard days, it is okay to have "off" days, sad days, even days when you would rather lock yourself away. That's normal. Its normal to feel lost, confused, and upset. You just lost someone that is close to you. You're not the only one in the world to feel like this. You're allowed to have those bad days, sad days, so-so days.
2. The five stages of grief are real.
A lady with the name Kubler-Ross, came up with the idea that people go through five stages of grief after suffering from a loss. The stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Yes, these stages hit everyone, but they do not hit everyone the same. Along with the thousand other emotions you will feel, you can guarantee to add one or all of these stages to your list. Feelings do not happen in order, they do not care if you are with your friends, in class, eating dinner, or watching a movie. Just know that it is completely normal for you to feel something, something you may not be prepared for.
3. Life Keeps Happening
Listen, like I said in the beginning, life simply does not care what is going on around you. It will not care what happens after the fact either. Simply understand that life is going to continue, even when you cannot. For the past couple of months, life has happened in seconds and minutes. Sooner or later, months will pass, life will continue. The clock will continue on days, weeks, and months, and you'll get back on track.
4. You'll smile again
It may not be the next day, it may not be the next week, but know it'll happen. It is hard at first, to think you'll be happy again. But, guess what? You survived today, you'll survive today, you'll survive tomorrow, and you'll survive these. While it may feel like life has just taken away all of your happiness, it hasn't. There will be days that you won't even realize that your happy again, you smiled again. I have learned to be thankful for the harder days, to realize that a smile doesn't fade away after losing someone. This is what he/she wanted for you. Just to be happy.
. . . . .
You probably read this and thought "wow, thank you for putting me in a bad mood." I appreciate that. I appreciate that you read all the way through and now, you may now understand what you've gone through before. If you take anything from this article, I ask that you simply remember…
Life throws curveballs, hurricane-sized curveballs, and it is something you will never be prepared for. But life gets easier, life gets better, you are going to smile again, and you will feel like yourself in time.
