To the first ever best friend,

We went through our childhood together and you made me so happy. Between practices and school, no one could have made me happier than you. Our moms drove us back and forth from each other's houses even though we didn't live close to each other. They saw how happy we made each other and they wanted to keep us happy. We were naive and thought we had found our ultimate friend for life.

And then we graduated.

It was time for us to leave the bubble of elementary school/junior high and enter the halls of our high schools. This was the first time we wouldn't see each other every hour of the day. We wouldn't spend recess running around and playing games anymore. We were going to grow up and we promised each other we would do it together.

We tried. We really did.

The two of us went from texting 24/7 to weekly, then to monthly...and then radio silence. There wasn't enough time for each other. We were making new friends and spending time with them, and sure, we'd hang out, but it didn't feel the same because you found someone to be your forever friend at your school and I wasn't enough.

We tried to talk, but I didn't want to hear it and we never spoke again. I was angry and I held on to it for a long time. Now it's time to let that grudge go. Thank you for the memories of childish happiness that I had with you. I would have never learned certain strengths and weaknesses about myself if I had not found you.

To the one who taught me to love,

From day one, we were fighting. There were little things that we didn't like about each other when we met as far back as kindergarten. Like my other best friend, you and I grew up together — except our lives were separate until our parents became friends and then, suddenly, we became friends. You considered me a stronger friend than I did you, but I still supported it.

I thought that were were doing great. The two of us would play pretend and make up stories as we went along, but as we grew up that all started to change. We started to look different than we did when we first became friends and you were the popular one. From then on, the attention was on you from everyone and you started to realize it.

I always knew there was nothing wrong with being proud of what you look like, but you made me feel like the way I looked was inferior. I was the girl with the hot best friend in high school and I can't say that I liked it. You'd talk about your “bodycount” and make me feel like I was doing something wrong because I didn't have that. I didn't have the look and I didn't have the boys.

There was constant competition in so many things that we did and everything we had turned toxic slowly, but surely. A moral change was in the works for me and we started to become distant towards the end of high school.

You taught me to love myself for who I am, not who I have. You helped me to learn what I want in and for myself before I worry about what I want in someone else. You helped me realize that I don't need someone else's approval to be told I'm good, smart, or pretty. Thank you.

To the one who's still watching,

You were my first friend that I had not already known when I went to high school. You made me laugh and we hit it off right away. Freshman homeroom brought us together and I was so thankful to get to see you every day. We spoke constantly and texted even more. Any group project we had, we did together and we were confident that we were doing great things.

It started out as the two of us in different groups and then I merged with yours, but that ended and we merged with others near the end of our career in the school. Our group became bigger and more we befriended more people, but we never separated. We were still the two characters who met at 14 and thought that we were invincible. We had a third best friend and then we became unstoppable. We had our after prom and that would be the last great memory with the group together. At that point, we had to be guaranteed permanent friendship.

College.

I went away. I got involved on campus and I had a lot of classes. You stood home. You had classes, too. I couldn't always keep you in the loop because I never had time to and I felt terrible for it. I guess you did, too. We became distant and you were angry. I felt like I was on the other side of the coin in my first best friend breakup. I had no idea what to do. What was I supposed to do if I didn't have the same time as I did when I lived at home? I wanted you in my life, but I realized after everything that it would just hurt more for everyone to suffer.

So, we ended it and I thought we were done. Social media has made leaving someone's life a lot harder, since being able to see everyone's move is so accessible now, right? Sometimes people just can't get enough of seeing it, I guess.

What came out of this, for me, is learning what I stand for and what I believe in. I learned the types of friends I want around me and the support system I want to enjoy in my life. I want a best friend who will celebrate my ups and highlight my strengths, not point out my flaws for the world to see.