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A Formal Apology To My Formal Date

I'm only apologizing once.

Marie Tasa

Apr 04, 2016

Northern Illinois University

Dear formal date,

I’m sorry I haven’t asked you to formal yet.

It’s not that I am not going to ask you. It’s just when we normally hang out, I am normally wasted, and so are you. But don’t worry, I will ask you probably the day before, so just be prepared.

Sorry I picked such a specific dress color, but make sure you find a Cyan Cobalt Blue #28989C tie.

Your tie better match my dress; otherwise, just don’t show up. I spent a lot of time finding the perfect dress and color that will make me look tan and skinny. You have one job; don’t screw it up.

Sorry for making you take a thousand pictures just so I can get the perfect one.

I need that perfect photo with great lighting because obviously part of the reason I am taking you is because we look good in photos together. Sorry, but it’s true.

I’m sorry for making you carry the team in beer pong at the pre-game.

I thought that I could keep up with you, but my aim just isn’t as good after six tequila shots, a beer bong and slapping the bag twice. Oops, my mistake.

I’m sorry for dancing on the tables with my sisters more than dancing with you.

I never promised to dance with you. It’s not that you are a bad dancer; it’s just that dancing on a table with my sisters is just so much better than dancing with any guy, sorry.

Sorry for spilling my drink on you…seven times.

Nobody is perfect, and I am apologizing in advance that I will spill my drinks pretty much as soon as you give them to me. So just make sure you are aware that you will probably leave formal with a damp shirt.

Sorry for puking in your hand on the bus ride.

I didn't plan for that to happen and your hand was in the way of where I was puking, sorry. Need a napkin?

I’m sorry I woke up and don’t remember anything.

Actually, I’m not that sorry.

XOXO

Your formal date

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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A Formal Apology To My Formal Date

I'm only apologizing once.

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For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

28. I need a comfort dog so I can avoid all life and school responsibilities.

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

Who isn't stressing out over finals right now?

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