I forgot what it meant to be a woman. Expected to be the same on a daily basis, with a loving personality and youthful glow. I forgot what it meant to be a woman for over two years, during which time my birth control and exercise routine caused my periods to stop.Until a couple weeks ago. It started with paranoia. I thought that somehow I was pregnant even though my period was undeniably there. I thought that surely I could still be pregnant in spite of the blood, and imagined the possibility over and over without reason.

Every symptom of a period I credited to being pregnant. Bloating? Must be pregnant. A week long, normal bleeding? Sign of pregnancy. Heightened emotions, making me cry easier and freak out over all of the above? Definitely one more sign.

Overall, that week wasn’t the best. And the things I’ve written so far aren’t even all that I went through in a panicked state. I was cranky and irritable, I had headaches, and I had cramps that made me curl up on the couch when I was hanging out with a friend. The same cramps that made it difficult to eat even when I was hungry. And as for the bleeding? I was using products I haven’t used in years, and have often times been thankful for not needing because the expense is ridiculous.

This is where I’m going next. The realm of the pad and tampon. It’s been said that doctors’ offices should stock free period supplies because they’re already stocking free contraception. It’s also been said that the tax on feminine hygiene products should be eradicated, seeing as they aren’t exactly the “luxury item” that stores make them out to be.

There are so many reasons to push for this, which I’ve thought about often but never written about. Reasons I’ve heard one way or another, and wholeheartedly agree with. Women cannot be stigmatized for bleeding through their clothes if nobody is going to help them in society. A free option for women who can’t afford to buy their own pads and tampons, just as they do with condoms, would be a great start. Ending the ridiculous tax on things deemed as necessary as food would be awesome as well.

I am a woman. I forgot what it meant to feel strongly about both the issues mentioned above for over two years. I forgot that sometimes, women feel terrible simply because of a natural process that occurs in their bodies every few weeks. And overall, I forgot that it takes a hell of a lot of strength to overcome feeling like a damaged, pathetic wreck just to go out for an evening. Women who deal with periods all the time are amazing. If I continue to have them, I’ll have to relearn what it takes to make it all over again.