Hello again, incoming freshman! I'm back with another edition of Forestry 101 Uncensored! For this week's lesson, we're going to talk about parties. I know your first college party can be scary, exciting, and tragically embarrassing. So, I'm here to help you ease your worries. Without further ado, let's delve into the wonderful world of fraternity basements.
1. Attire
Listen closely. I know a lot of us have the impression that college girls dress up in dark jeans and heels and guys in button downs when they go out, but forget everything that you think you know. You may be surprised... "$65,000 per year and people are wearing that?" I don't quite get it either, but yes. They are. So trade the tight dresses and fancy clutches for a pair of ratty Converse (in any color but red, blue, green, or pink -- those are for the sororities) and an outfit from Forever21 that will probably be drenched in sweat, punch and a mysterious layer of frat sludge by the end of the night.
2. Numbers
What are numbers, you ask? Are they a secret code to get into parties? No. You see, little Deacs, numbers are just what they sound like. They're phone numbers. Wake has a unique taxi-like system of fraternity pledges that will drive you to their parties. The first step is to befriend some upperclassmen to send you the numbers. Second, head over to that fraternity's lounge -- especially the first few weeks of school -- and give them a call. I must warn you, though -- getting a ride is tough sometimes. So, I always recommend a girl calls, and be sure to mention what a great ratio of girls to boys you have. Name drop people in the frat. Sweet talk them. Make them want to pick you up and always tell them your name. Ask what car they're driving. Their full name and address. OK, I was kidding about the last part, but really -- ask what car they're driving. It makes it easier to determine which group called the car when they come to pick you up. And, remember, when they say they'll be there in 10 minutes -- they're lying.
3. Pledge Car Etiquette
A pledge car pulls up, but there are other people around you waiting as well. Approach the car slowly, and once you can determine if its the one that you called, run toward it. I mean run because those other groups are scavengers, waiting to pounce on your ride. If someone steals your pledge car, you should've been faster. It's the Hunger Games between Taylor and Davis/Kitchin and Poteat. I mean it. There are no rules when it comes to pledge car thievery. Every man for himself. The rules of etiquette do not apply until you are inside of the vehicle. Once you are in, do not scream. There are about 10 of you packed into a sedan, it's too close for comfort, everyone can hear you. Do not vomit. I don't care to elaborate on that one, just don't do it. And finally, do not ask for the aux cord because you'll only be disappointed.
4. The Compound
You'll hear a lot of talk about the Compound the first week of school. The Compound is, for lack of better words, a compound of the fraternity houses that will probably be your home between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m. all of Syllabus Week. The best part: You don't even need a pledge car! So, rack in those FitBit steps, burn off the punch, and safely cross the highway and follow the sidewalk until you hear the noise and you see a couple cop cars hanging out alongside the road, desperate for an invite. You'll know when you're in the right place.
5. The Punch
You've heard it time and time again. Your parents have warned you, you know better than to drink it, but you probably will anyway. So, here's a couple of "punch pointers" I have for you. First thing's first: Use your judgment. Just because it tastes like nothing doesn't mean it isn't strong. The truth is, there is no way to gauge how much you're drinking when you have a cup of punch, so, please take it slow. Second: There could be anything in it. Don't just pick up a drink off the table -- go and get it yourself! And, finally: When in doubt just steer clear. Hold a cup for social reasons if you have to. Play drunk if it makes you feel better, but just be safe.
6. Wait Chapel
OK, now that I'm done with my punch lecture, let's talk about when it's time to head home. If you're walking back from the Compound, a different house, or whatever, keep your eye out for the light in the sky; our very own North Star, Wait Chapel. As a wise friend of mine once said -- "You know when it's 3 a.m. and you see Wait Chapel in the distance that you've made it and everything is going to be OK."
