Throughout college dealing with anxiety becomes increasingly harder because unlike in high school, going away to college forces you to meet new people, get involved, have new professors every semester, and so on. Most of us know how this works and if you don’t have anxiety these subtle changes won’t bother you as much. There’s a difference between becoming temporarily anxious or nervous about a change, and truly feeling a crippling panic. Luckily for me I have become VERY good at hiding how I feel when life sets in and I can manage hiding in the bathroom to take my deep breathes or carrying some warm tea with me and putting lavender oil under my nose as a coping method. Years of bad anxiety and a resourceful mind work together to come up with new techniques.

One part of my college experience that has made having anxiety difficult, and yet easier to handle has been taking a foreign language. I know this may sound odd, but the amount of stress that comes with taking a foreign language is actually immeasurable, at least for me. I remember starting my first French class while in college. I had never really taken a language before, but I had always had a connection with France and wanted to travel more than anything, so taking a language just made sense. I remember sitting in my French 100 level introduction class and feeling utterly terrified about the requirements, group work, and activities that involved being in front of the class, so much so that I thought about dropping it before the class even really started. (One thing about my anxiety is that I would prefer being silent during class and just taking notes, but you can’t do that in a foreign language). That’s what anxiety does to you, it forces you to give up, but I pushed back harder and made myself continue in the class. Now, I’m finishing my last class in a French minor, and for someone that started French later than most people I have completed enough classes to almost have a major. That’s pretty incredible.

So how exactly has French helped with my anxiety? Well, as you move up in the classes you are required to complete more projects, presentations, oral exams, tests, conversational activities, the list goes on, and with each of these being mandatory there is no option to give up. Do you know how uncomfortable taking a foreign language is? It is so frustrating starting from the bottom and not even knowing how to ask basic questions. The first time I studied aboard I asked, “where is the computer?” instead of “where is the garbage?” while eating at a café. I wanted to curl up in a ball and never speak again because the fear of getting it wrong was petrifying. But that’s the point of taking a language; you get it wrong so you succeed further. I have had so many uncomfortable experiences while taking French. There is no worse feeling than having to get up in front of your class and present in another language, I used to feel horrible presenting in general, but doing it while speaking a language you aren’t fluent in….I have no words. You are spending half the time trying to juggle one language while converting it into another, and people are staring at you. It’s awful, but each time I have gotten through it, definitely not with the confidence I should have, but no matter how dreadful the presentation I was still alive at the end. I survived feeling embarrassed and I improved. Doing what has contributed to my anxiety has made it controllable.

Of course, writing about it now makes it sound like it was easy. It wasn’t. I missed classes that I knew were going to be painful, I skipped activities that made me want to revert back to hyperventilating, I didn’t turn in assignments that forced me out of my comfort zone, but all that did for me was cause me to miss out and loose points. I still have moments when I truly believe one activity may throw me over my new edge, but it’s one moment as opposed to all moments, and I can deal with that.

My love for French has turned out to be greater than my anxiety. I worked harder at French than any one of my classes because I had to and I struggled A LOT, but the point is I didn’t give in to what my brain wanted, I kept going. I continue to work at moving forward everyday and it has been the bumpiest ride, never easy. French had given me confidence to pursue new endeavors though, and that will make me more successful at life in general. So my suggestion to anyone that struggles with anxiety is to defeat it. It’s not at all that simple, but it is possible.