I’ve never been good at letting things go.
In fact, I’m pretty skilled at the exact opposite. I’m a master of overthinking.
When I’m hurt, especially romantically, I’m much more likely to be found brooding and licking my wounds than forgiving and forgetting.
So when it comes to moving on, I’ve always done so at a creeping pace, waging war against myself the entire way. It can take me months, or even years, to get over someone and all the advice about moving on does absolutely nothing for me.
Blocking them out of my life only served to make me wonder what they were doing, and if they were thinking of me. My firm resolve against all communication loosened with lonely nights. And no matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to get them off my mind.
They say a relationship is over when you realize you’re more attached to the memories than you are the other person.
And I suppose that’s true. But not for me.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have the bad habit of falling harder for the idea of a person than who they actually are.
The memories we share quickly become fuel for daydreams of us being together; a harsh dissonance from actuality. A reverie that I can’t seem to shake. A delightful nightmare I can’t seem to wake up from.
So, how does someone like me move on?
For me, moving on has very little to do with the other person.
Moving on is when the person I fell for no longer inhabits the spaces inside me. Moving on is when the person I am now would never tolerate being treated the way she was before. Moving on is realizing that I want, no, deserve better than this.
I deserve marble halls and music, cuddles on cold nights and pancakes in the mornings. I deserve honesty and faithfulness, compassion and thoughtfulness. I deserve love, love, love.
And maybe, that’s what helps you to move on.
Realizing at the end of it all, that you’ve got to learn to love yourself enough to let it go.
Love yourself enough to know that the way someone else treats you is not indicative of your worth. Love yourself enough to know that you will find what you’re looking for, and you’re not asking for too much, just too much from the wrong people. Love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of love from another human being, flaws and all.
Because darling, if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to?
Love yourself because one day, you’ll be all you have. And when you learn to love yourself, that’s when you move on.
